Fly little bird

Today is a happy and sad day for me. My dear co-worker and friend had her last day at work today. Though I know thus was coming I couldn't believe it was actually here. Well today was her last day but I was not there has I had a vacation day but we texted each other .
B. Has been my rock for 9 years and we have shared do much over that time so it's no wonder I'm going to miss her abs Monday when I go to work it's going to be strange not having her there !

I'm am truly happy for her, she and her husband are embarking on a journey and relocating out of ca leaving  both sides of thur family and just being in their own.
I am proud of them taking this leap. We had a wonderful surprise going away dinner for her . I wouldn't really say good bye because I know we will forever be friends and we will visit each other.

I kind of feel like a mama bird ( since I am old enough to be her mom ! ) watching my little bird  take flight and fit free .

Can't believe

I find it hard to believe that it's been way over a year since I blogged. I had ever intention of blooming on a regular basis but I let being busy in daily life take over and perhaps I didn't feel like I had anything really worthy to blog about. 

Nevertheless, I'm going to try and keep blogging by continuing my expressions every now and then 

The Climb

My daughter spread her spread her wings in August to begin having a journey the lyrics to the song the climb really resonated what strength my daughter has I know she will climb the highest mountains in her life and will move many mountains as well 

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
Yeah just gotta keep going

And I gotta be strong
Just keep pushin on

cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep moving keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith

Where Have I Been

Where have I been? I have been asking myself that it has been sometime since I have posted, part of me has been wanting to post but then I let time slip by cause I felt I had nothing really to say or share. but today I find myself with time to catch up and so I decided to post. I did not leave the blogging world completely I kept peeking on to my cohorts blogs that inspire me.

It seems like I have been in a haze with medical issues all around my family between my better half and I needless to say I am tired of the medical drama everything is great with my better half he has mended well. me on the other hand I have been poked and prodded and they still can not really give me a diagnosis of what is going on.

seems my body does not want to absorb iron any more and so for almost a year I have been walking this earth with very bad anemia I did not even know that I was anemic. they tried the old iron pills, then shots and now I have been getting iron infusion treatments at the hospital every week I have 4 more treatments and we will hope my iron has improved ( the last check up I had 6 treatments of iron and my numbers only went up a point) if this treatment works and stays then I will be one of the people who will need this type of treatment every two years if it does not work then I will have to make the decision about getting a blood transfusion.

hopefully they will be able to tell me why my body does not want to absorb iron I mean there has to be a reason doesn't there. I am still doing research in the mean time I am exhausted some days with no energy and other days where I am ok. busy with school well at least summer break is upon me and busy with work.

I have always considered me a work in progress and I still do I enjoy learning and so now it's time to learn some fun things if anything whatever this is I am going through it has taught me that life is to short and anything can happen. I do not know what is going on inside my body but I am taking the steps to aid a wellness and health back into me. I am going to enjoy each and every day.

enjoy

" Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realize they were big things".

Can't

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one

Mean

I have had the Taylor Swift song MEAN playing in my head all day today! This week has been a whirlwind
some good things are finally taking shape that have been long overdue and then some bad things kind of hit the fan so to speak.

A relative was arrested and was front page news and then on the local news as well and instead of just keeping this relative in prayer some family members took it upon themselves to post and place their own opinion on FB without considering how it may affect the immediate people involved. and putting it out there for other relatives who live out of the area to know.

It saddens my heart that a blood relative could take pleasure in hurting their own family member such drama lately that is what all face book seems to be is drama! some people thrive on the drama for the attention others are just plain mean!

Life is to short to be bitter and hell bent on hurting someone when they are down. whatever happens I have let it be known to this particular relative that we love and pray for them. my relative that is in this alleged trouble I do not judge and I pray that it will all be OK for their immediate family's sake by that I mean the daughters and the spouse. For that is the best we can do to give support.


As I mentioned earlier things that have been in chaos for quite sometime are finally taking shape and I hope that they continue to do so.

Praying daily that the Lord will guide those "mean" people and teach them tolerance, patience and love.

This N That

As summer is now upon us I have been reflecting of the things I am hoping to do while on my summer vacation. some will be striking things off my bucket list. and others will be cause it's something I have always wanted to do and mostly I am going to be spontaneous and see what will take place.

The first big thing is that my only son is relocating to Seattle and instead of two hours away from our home he will now be 14 hours! don't get me wrong, I am excited for him he has a good job which transferred there, he has good friends and he already has a place to live. and of course we will face time on our iphones once a week as usual but my baby (which he will always be) has grown up and is such a fine man. I can't believe how the years have flown by but I am very blessed that he is such a caring hardworking individual and I wish I had more time this summer to enjoy hanging out he only had one day with us before he set off to a new chapter is his life, I am thankful for the time we had with him he is now in his second week of living in his new surroundings and loving it he can not wait for us to come and visit him he his already making a list of places for us to go.

My daughter had some major changes this spring/summer she broke off a three year relationship with her boyfriend I am so proud of her as painful as it is she knew it was the right thing to do in order for them both to be happy and so a new job for her as well and in about 6 months time she will be done with college and working towards med school. I know today is bittersweet for her, as she and her friend ( yes her ex boyfriend ) say good bye he is relocating to live with his grandparents in Az. I think it is a blessing that they were both able to remain friends.

My husband finished one of his trade schools and will begin the other in August it is kind of nice having time to spend vacation with him. tonight we are going out to the movies and in a few weeks we will be taking a mini road trip before I have to go back to work and school.

here are some of the things on my summer this and that to do list:
canning
beach hang out day with one of my sisters
coffee with a dear friend
hang out shopping day with my daughter ( probably have a few of those)
continue redecorating my kitchen
making homemade wine for my first time
wine tasting
concerts ( Gordon lightfoot is one, oldie but goodie)
antique shop

I hope my dear blogger friends have a fun summer of this and that.

How

" How can I be still by flowing with the stream." 

life

  "Life is an echo what you send out comes back "

It's Not

It's not what I have been through in my life that defines who I am it's how I got through it 
that has made me the person I am today.

Thinking of Granny

Today would have been my husband's "granny's" 93 rd birthday so we are honoring her spirit. she was a pure country gal at heart and taught me many things. it always amazed me how women from her age were excellent cooks in that they did not measure anything! she enjoyed teaching me old family recipes so tonight we will indulge in a few of her favorites.  I really clicked with her as she and my mother were only a week apart in age. we lost our beloved granny two years ago. Granny loved all kinds of plants and wildflowers, this photo was taken on a hike and I immediately felt Granny's spirit as the wind began to blow. today we will also plant some wildflower seeds and hope they take flight. I am sure that they will with Granny's spirit guiding us.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow marks my mother's 93rd birthday, I really miss her perils of wisdom and I carry her in my heart everyday. Tomorrow one of my sister's and our eldest niece will be hiking the 5 mile hike of the "Path of the Padres" I did this a few years ago and was completely out of shape hopefully I am in much better shape. My mother was a devout catholic so taking this hike on this day seems fitting. there is also another tradition that I will be doing in honor of my mother which is when I was a young girl my mother would take me on her birthday to get a "shamrock shake" (she loved those) so every year my husband, daughter, son and I get a shamrock shake. or if we are unable to we make our own. I look forward to tomorrow has I know I will be feeling my mother's spirit beside me.

The Times They Are A Changing

For some reason I have had this old Bob Dylan song stuck in my head! not sure if it is cause I have been going through some changes or it's a sign of changes to come well whatever the reason here is an oldie!

Gather 'round peopleWherever you roamAnd admit that the watersAround you have grown
And accept it that soonYou'll be drenched to the boneIf your time to youIs worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'Or you'll sink like a stoneFor the times they are a-changin'
Come writers and criticsWho prophesize with your penKeep your eyes wideThe chance won't come again
Don't speak too soonFor the wheel's still in spinAnd there's no tellin' whoThat it's namin'
For the loser nowWill be later to winFor the times they, they are a-changin'
Come senators, CongressmenPlease heed the callDon't block at the doorwayDon't block up the hall
For he that gets hurtWill be he who has stalledThere's a battle outsideAnd it's ragin'
It'll soon shake your windowsAnd rattle your wallsFor the times they are a-changin'
Come mothers and fathersThroughout the landDon't criticizeWhat you can't understand
Your sons and your daughtersAre beyond your commandYour old road isRapidly agin'
Please get out of the new oneIf you can't lend a handFor your times they are a-changin'
The line it is drawnAnd the curse it is castThe slow one nowWill later be fast
As the present nowWill later be pastThe order isRapidly fadin'
And the first one nowWill later be lastFor the times they are a-changin 

sublime

" The sublime vision comes to the pure and simple soul in a clean and chaste body" 

                                                                                                             Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dreams

"Dreams are illustrations for the book your soul is writing about you "

                         I came across this quote and it really gave me something to ponder about for the last few years I have been on a soul searching trek re-discovering who I am, what makes me click, and along the way I have come to understand quite a bit some I enjoy what I saw about myself even liked about myself and others I have found what I needed to let go of physically and emotionally not an easy task but one that I can be content happy and comfortable living with.

I also came to the realization that my quest about me will always be a work in progress of some sorts because I hope to always be evolving but evolving in the sense that I keep my wits about me, I keep in-tune with my inner self and keep in tune with my relationships so that they grow and flourish in a positive light.

I turned the big 50 this last year and as I have always gone by " I am not a year older ( though my mind and body age) I am a year wiser" I love those words a year wiser, it is true you lose some things as you age but you also gain things as you age, I embraced turning 50 in a quite way, I may look 50 but I don't feel it, sure I have ailments I am taking care of those but I am embracing those ailments to live a healthy life as best as I can some ailments I hope will go way the ones that won't then I pray that we can live peacefully in my body and enjoy life.

Dreams for myself that I have had well in reflection most of them have come true, I am married to my soul-mate of almost thirty years I felt this when we first met and I still feel it today not saying that in these almost thirty years that its been easy cause of course it has not but the fact is that we love each other enough to know that our choice to accept and love each other is what is of importance to us, through good and bad, and now we enter stepping into a world of aging together, it has brought a different vitality to our lives and with new dreams to make come true.

I have two wonderful adult children who have a big heart and a loving spirit ( I am blessed) and I take my parenting very seriously because there was a time in my heart and life that I did not believe I would ever be a mother, then through the grace of the lord I was blessed with a son and daughter, who are open and honest one already through college and the other almost there( well, OK, has a little ways since she is becoming a Dr.) I am very proud of them.

so now I live each day continue to dream illustrations for the book my soul is writing about me I am curious as to what it will it say, I can't wait to read it. Do you ever wonder what your dreams will illustrate in the book your soul is writing about you?

zen thought #1

 I am sure I have published this quote before but I love my zen quotes and wanted to publish this again

                      "Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished"

A Work in Progress

Two years ago for a New Year's resolution I decided that I was going to go by one of my favorite quotes by Dolly Parton and "Find out who you are and do it on purpose" This quote as rung with me for many many years,
I have been soul searching and finding out just who I am inwards and outwards and even though I am still searching ( will always) and have come to many realizations about myself I am what I am comfortable saying
"A WORK IN PROGRESS"  I came to the conclusion that this is not a bad place to be because I am an ever changing person learning about me and that it is ok!

I have the permanent labels I am ..... Jeff's wife, soul-mate, lover, best friend, Partner
                                          I am ....  Kiel and Kaitlyn's mother, adviser,confidant, safe place
                                          I am ...    A Daughter
                                          I am .....  A  Sister, Aunt, Great Aunt,Niece, Cousin
                                          I am ....   A Student, A Administrative Assistant
                                          I am ...    A Friend,
                                          I am...     A Believer
                                   

I  enjoy being a work in progress because there are still so many more facets for me to find of what makes me tick. and at age 49 I am enjoying this re-cleansing of me. I honestly feel so many different and fascinating emotions with this. In a few months I will be entering what everyone calls the big 50! club I am not afraid to do so I am looking forward to it I have always said this about my birthdays I do not think of myself as a year older cause that is a given I think of myself as a year wiser!  I actually think of myself as a flower that is blooming with the seasons.

True Value

" The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self"
                                                                                                                                 Albert Einstein

Pomp & Circumstance # 2

On June 16 2012 my family attended our son's college graduation from University California Santa Cruz when I first started the journey of blogging my son was graduating from high school and making the decision of which college he would attend and now here it is time doesn't really stand still it moves and seems to go by quickly.
Kiel (pronounced kyle) graduated with honors! and he graduated a bit early as well. he plans to stay in Santa Cruz to earn his master degree in education and teach and he also plans to earn his PhD.

amazes me how much tears of pride came to me as I sat in the front row watching my little baby boy all grown up at the age of 22. Kiel has always loved school and I know he will be a wonderful inspirational teacher. that weekend was surely a filled busy weekend not only did he graduate he had just moved into a new apartment with three other of his friends which is a block from the beach! he also started a new job a week before graduating with Target and with the experience he had from working at the our local target while home he is already being considered in a supervisory position. in the photo below here is our little family Jeff(my hubby) Kaitlyn (daughter) Kiel and me. next graduation will be Kaitlyn's!