Monday, June 11, 2007

Josephine & Roberto


In my first blog I wrote how my mother was my inspiration
I thought I would express a little about my parents and perhaps
about my siblings in future blogs.

My mother Josephine A.k.A. Mama,Mommy, Nana, Tia Josie, Josie, Fina
for a girl who did not finish elementary school she was one of the wisest woman
I have ever known.

she raised her siblings at a young age when her mother passed, when her father
remarried, she fell in love and married a man ( an acquaintance of my grandfathers who
was 1 year older than my grandfather) Times were very different in those days.
they of course started a family of their own.

My mother Josephine was a devout Catholic but always told me that when I
became an adult it did not matter what faith I accepted as an adult as long
as I believed in God. but through our youth we attended catholic mass,and
all that went with that.
she was a good cook, loved to collect recipes but seldom made them
funny I collect recipes too.
she was the friendliest person and always well respected , accepted people for who they
were, never a judgemental bone in her body.

She had beautiful dark brown eyes, dark hair, she looked like a Beautiful Native
American maiden. she had a wit about her, a calmness, but could give you a
look that meant business if she was angry at you.

she believed in the old wives tales, I remember one time my oldest niece Angela
was pregnant with her first child, and another of my nieces was eating a Marsh mellow
Angela, looked at my niece eating the marsh mellow my mother noticed this
and I was told to get a marsh mellow because The Baby wants a marsh mellow!
so I did as told and got the marsh mellow ( I have always wondered does Rob like
marsh mellows?)
she also believed in the old remedies like putting hot onion on a splinter to draw it out,
placing an egg yolk in a bowl under the baby crib,and my personal favorite when ever
a baby is around you must touch their little hand to keep evil spirits away!
but most importantly Karma Comes Back At You.
She would tell stories of her youth and her encounters with "spirits"
of course we did not believe this but my Uncles would always back her up.
she crocheted beautifully,and had a green thumb,
At the time of her death in 1986, my husband and I were living in Hawaii
we spoke to her on the phone all the time my husband was very fond of my mother

One morning I was awaken from a peaceful sleep by a rush of wind whisking through
my body I knew no window was open, but that rush of wind left me calm and gave me
a chill at the same time, I looked at the clock and noticed it was 4:45 am Hawaiian time
which meant it was 7:45 Ca time. I startled my husband and as he awoke the phone
rang, I told him it was someone calling to say mom passed, my husband looked at me
and said I was crazy and answered the phone. after that call he asked me how did I know
and I told him about the cold wind rushing through me. that same feeling happened a year
later when one of my mother's sisters passed. never again did I doubt some of my mom's
wives tales.

My Father Roberto- A.K.A. Daddy,Papa, Berto, I did not know my father as well as my mother other than when I was born he was in his 60's. I remember his piercing baby blue
eyes that would make any girls heart melt, and that he had a smile that could brighten a room
his love for his family and grandchildren, I remember the grand kids getting plenty of leg
horsey rides from papa
He loved to bring home Big pieces of bubble gum from his trip to the barber shop
he would always have to have mama's flour tortillas at every meal.
went to church when he wanted to,other wise he prayed his own way,
he did not believe in banks, upon his death we found wallets of cash to pay for
funeral etc.
I remember watching westerns with him and my brother Joe on Saturdays
he too had a green thumb, (when younger he worked in coal mines)
loved to bring home A&W Root beer in the plastic gallon,
but what I remember most about my father was the way he always looked at my mother
he was much older than she but looking at him look at her you could see in his eyes how much he loved her.
my father passed away in 1979 at the age of 82

Saturday, June 9, 2007

The Hiding Place

Do you have a hiding place? A place inside
yourself that keeps all your secrets,desires,
that you are unable to reveal?

As far back in my youth as I can remember
I have always visited this place deep inside
my soul.

See it started at a young age and is still in
my present, I tend to visit this hiding fortress
inside me whenever my life seems to be losing
it's balance.

this place can have two sides it can be my
emotional safe haven with a guiding light
( I also have a physical place but that is another blog)
that comforts me with strength .

and the other side, where it is a dark haven
and I am weak and full of insecurities.
(sometimes more than not I visit this place)

Being the youngest and having elderly parents
I have always felt "misplaced" in my family
I know that I was and loved by all but I never
knew where I fit in except for being the "baby"
what was my place in the family and yet there are
times that even today I still wonder?

I may never know the answer all my siblings are quite older
than me the youngest to me we are 10 years apart
they used to joke where I would always hear
"we found you in the sewer patch" and I would think
to myself is there really such a place? or "mama, loves me
more" though I know they were teasing those remarks hurt
and have left a bit of an emotional scar ( I will say this
that I am a late in life child and I'm glad that I was
born to my parents) carrying all that hurt
from those remarks and throughout my life
I learned to develop a tough skin and visited my
hiding place where I would not allow my self to feel
the hurt.

I developed bad self destructive habits but have since
been healed in that department thanks to a great deal
of self discovery.

The safe haven part of my hiding place
gives me strength in so many ways
it helps me to heal and to stay strong
and realize that each day starts a new.

I am stronger than I gave myself credit for
I do not need to be destructive to myself
I do not need to hide from hurtful feelings
I am not perfect and this journey of self
discovery is pretty facsinating
where ever this journey leads me
I will gladly take each day to
discover the me that won't retreat to
her hiding place.

Friday, June 8, 2007

When Food Is Love

I once read this book entitled "WHEN FOOD IS LOVE"
written by Geneen Roth, in fact I pretty much own
all the books she has written.

I have always found myself in some kind of lost
world when it comes to food, after all you need
it to provide the nourishment it needs to keep
your internal engine running.

I can not recall when food was never on my mind
I have been through such a bad"love affair"
with food, I have always been a 'heavy gal","fat
"pleasantly plump"
by medical terms now labeled "obese"

I came from a childhood of eat everything on
your plate,"there are starving kids in China"
and I learned to eat fast so I could have
seconds.(won't deny my mother's cooking was
really good) or when I was upset I would get
cookies or something sweet for comfort to help
make my upset feelings go away."emotional eater"

I accepted it though, when I was in junior high school
I was put on weight watchers, and I would take
for lunch what I was supposed to while other
kids were eating what ever they wanted to
(weight watchers has really changed since then) it continued
and in my adult hood it was nutri -system ( the old one)
and diet pills, shakes, and even tried the famous
Oprah diet that was nothing
but liquid ( that one only lasted a few days!)

through my teen years and in to my mid 20's
I have been a closet binge & purge person
never labeled "Bulimic" but now labeled "Food Addict"
"compulsive Eater" ,"B.E.D." better known as "Binge eating disorder"

I had gastric bypass surgery almost 4 years ago but
not for the weight loss it was for other related health
issues, I lost approx 80 lbs, and it did serve it's purpose
for the medical issue but it felt like failure on the weight
issue. since then I have been an avid "yo-yo" person for
the last three years, and now when something food wise
does not agree with me, I automatically purge (guess you could
say from the gastric bypass surgery I know have a built in
purge machine in me)

at first the binge and purge issue was for weight loss
but I did not lose a lot of weight( OK, honesty check)
when my husband and I were stationed in Hawaii
I went from a size 16-to a size 5-6 in less than a year
then we came to visit and I was told how "good"
I looked and that I also looked "sick" I did not
care I loved getting the "good" compliment better
but after that visit something inside me began to
break, it was not wanting to be thin that I purged
I began to realize that I had been purging to feel
comfort , to self medicate, when I felt my life was
not in balance, sometimes I got to the point where
I would binge eat till I blacked out and then purge
to cleanse the pain and guilt feelings, I became quite
good at it and learned to hide it well.

I have kept this habit up for most of my life
there are times even now that I get the urge
but through a lot of hard work I have and still
am overcoming and accepting me whoever that maybe
my bad "love affair" with food isn't taking over my life
I am not a size 6 and will never be, just being
healthy spiritually and physically is more important
and if it takes me my life time to do it then so be it.

I still have weight to lose but at my age I don't
harbor on that I just try to make healthy choices
on a daily basis with out depriving myself
and never fall back into that crazy affair because
food is what we need to nourish the beautiful
internal engine inside and to make it glow on
the outside but I do not need it to nourish my
soul no matter what the size.

note: I have never expressed this private
part of my life to anyone, not family or friends
for fear of being judged and I hope that
since I am writing my expressions that
there will not being any judgements.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

power of prayer


Almost two years ago my dearest friend
was hit with a double whammy
her then 18 year old son about ready
to graduate high school was diagnosed
with a rare form of soft tissue cancer
that had spread pretty quickly.

as Michael began his treatments
my friend Shanna found out she was
pregnant.( which was a surprise because
a few years prior she miscarried at 6mo)
she did not know what to make of all this
she was trying to be strong for her son
and she was trying to enjoy the pregnancy
as best as she could do to the circumstances
so she created a website where family and friends
could be informed on Michael's progress
and leave him nothing but positive messages.

this was really hard for me cause I have known
this young man since he was 8 years old, and
he and his brothers and my children used to
hang out go kite flying and all sorts of things
it was kind of like watching one of my own
going through it.

the message board she created really was
inspiring. people all around the world
would leave inspiring messages,
my daughter even wrote a poem for him.
Michael said he was going to be cured
by his 19 Th birthday.

Shanna had to believe
that was the case. because she could
not believe that God would take one
child away to give her another,

Michael stayed strong throughout
all the treatments, he wanted nothing
but positive thinking even when he was so
down.

The Doctors even were not holding much hope
but then Michael began to heal and every ones
prayers had been answered by our Lord .

Michael's cancer was gone before his
19Th birthday, His doctors could not believe
how fast his cancer was healed, ( we all know the
Lord had a great deal to do with it)

We saw Michael at his dad's
40Th birthday party and you could tell he was
slowly getting back to himself. His mom delivered
a beautiful baby girl ( she has three boys)that Feb

Last Feb we celebrated Hannah's 1st birthday and
Michael being cancer free

Michael will turn 21 in Nov. I talked with Michael
(Mikey ) as we call him and I asked him how he felt
he said he did not know why he had to go through what
he went through but in a strange way he found a hidden
talent he has( making videos) his family was brought closer
together and he does not take life for granted and a funny
note: he enjoyed getting brownies from his favorite 2ND mom Me!
whenever I see him I have to take him homemade brownies because we
used to bake them when he was 8 and he has fond memories of it.

he also said it was great to rekindle old friendships, and make new friends
all over the world through the old website.

at the same time of Michael's battle of cancer
there was a reporter for the San Francisco Gate
that was also diagnosed with a rare soft tissue cancer
she has chronicled her battle as she is living it
her name is Alicia Parlette
she has endured so much that we all keep her
in our daily prayers and hope that she will
be a miracle too
in one of her writings she said this

"This is what life is
going along for the ride
taking moments as they come out
and being able to pull out all the
beauty in it all"
Alicia Parlette

I say she is right, Life isn't always
beautiful but it's a beautiful ride.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

A Woman Should

A Woman Should Have...
enough money within her control
to move out
and rent a place of
her own even if
she never wants or
needs to

A Woman Should Have...
something perfect to wear if
the employer
or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour

A Woman Should Have...
a youth she's content to
leave behind

A Woman Should Have...
a past juicy enough that she's
looking forward to retelling it
in her old age

A Woman Should Have...
a set of screwdrivers
a cordless drill and
a black lace bra

A Woman Should Have...
one friend who always
makes her laugh
and one who won't let her cry

A Woman Should Have...
a good piece of furniture not
previously owned by anyone
else in her family

A Woman Should Have...
eight matching plates
wine glasses with stems
a recipe for a meal
that will make her
guests feel honored

A Woman Should Have...
a feeling of control
over her destiny

Every Woman Should Know...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover
and confront a friend
without ruining a
friendship

Every Woman Should Know...
when to try harder
and when to walk away

Every Woman Should Know...
that she can't change
the length of her calves
the width of her hips
or the nature of her parents

Every Woman Should Know...
that her childhood may
not have been perfect
but it's over

Every Woman Should Know...
what she would and
wouldn't do for love
or more

Every Woman Should Know...
how to live alone,
even if she doesn't
like it

Every Woman Should Know...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't
and why she shouldn't
take it personally

Every Woman Should Know...
where to go, be it
her best friends kitchen table
or a charming inn
in the woods
when her soul needs
soothing

Every Woman Should Know...
what she can and
can't accomplish
in a day,a month
and a year.

by: Maya Angelou

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

TIPS TO LAST A LIFE TIME

1. Know The Truth
2.Stand For Something
3.Have A Purpose
4.Take Action
5.Don't Wait To Decide or To Do What Is Right

Monday, June 4, 2007

" Fools Rush In"

"Wise Men say Only Fools Rush in But I Can't Help
Falling in Love With You"

I love hearing the words in this song sung by Elvis Presley.

Have you ever seen the comedy movie "Fools Rush In" with Salma Hayek
and Matthew Perry, it is one of my all time favorite movies because some
of that movie mirrors my relationship with my husband.

On Nov 1st, at the age of 19, 28 days before my 20th birthday while working and living
in Yosemite National Park, I met my "soul-mate" while he was vacationing.
our meeting was such natural combustion it was literally love at first sight!

we married on May 1,1983 (though some say it would not last) we celebrated our 24th wedding
anniversary last may. we have two beautiful children our son 17, and daughter 15.

I won't deny that marriage is hard work and we have worked at it, especially because we did have such a whirlwind relationship.

" A relationship must weather many storms
sometimes, it's sunny and beautiful
other times it does not matter what you do
it's going to sleet, hail,
that is why you need to stay open to each other
no matter what the weather"
from the notebook

through our 24 years we have weathered many a storm
sometimes almost to the point of bailing, but we managed
to always pull through together
My husband Jeff is really apart of me in so many ways
he is my soul-mate but he is also my best friend
this is kind of cheesy but we have a saying to each other
that reads "you bring out the best in me"

we have never lost sight of what we believe and
hold true which is:

Love is patient and kind
it is not jealous or conceited
or proud
Love is not ill mannered or selfish
or irritable
Love does not keep a record of wrongs
Love is not happy with evil, but is happy
with the truth.
Love never gives up and it's
Faith, Hope, and patience
never fail
Love is eternal
meanwhile these three remain
FAITH,HOPE, and LOVE
and the greatest of these is
LOVE!