Failure & Falling off the First Step!

" Failure seldom stops you, what stops you is the fear of failure"
Jack Lemmon

Okay, I tried to go back to school, I admit I had
great intentions of succeeding & taking that first step
this time out but that was before
I let my emotions of failing take over and
my fear of math! funny cause I use math everyday
by measuring when I cook, balancing a check book
but for some reason Pre Algebra and I just don't get along!
math as I was taught in school is very obsolete it is
a whole new language that I can grasp the concept but

I can't explain it, and of course I was not expecting
Mary's situation to happen either but life does go on
and good things happen to those who wait , I will
be starting a part-time clerical job for a charter school
that I really wanted at the end of the month I applied for
this job last Jan.

perhaps in the spring I can once again take that first step
if not there are other ways I can continue my education
and finish it may not be right away but it will be something
that I do in my life time, heck I may end up being the
oldest college student there is !!!!

another great quote :
by Lao Tzu
"People usually fail when they are on
the road to success, so give as much care
to the end as to the beginning"!

whatever road I am on I am sure
it will lead me to where I am supposed
to be.

With Faith

For Every disappointment
that ever comes your way
there also will be happiness
upon another day

Sometimes there will be failure
in things you try to do
but with both faith and fortitude
success will come to you

When life appears it's darkest
and clouds obscure your view
you know that you are bound to find
the sun come shining through

the faith that you possess in GOD
is never placed in vain
it will sustain and be your guide
life's finer things to gain

PRIORITIES

" Real Priorities in life are :
LOVE, FAMILY,FRIENDS"

I have always believed in the above little quote.

I am still dealing with my mixed feelings
but am doing better. My Kiel called me
this morning from Oregon, he and Eva are
having a great time. Mary gave us a bit of a
scare on Saturday her blood sugars would be
normal then drop extremely low to about 50

My sis Linda is a medical assistant so she
was monitoring Mary's sugars and spent
the night with her, we were afraid that
if Mary's sugars stayed that low and she
fell asleep she would fall into a diabetic coma.

Linda kept a good eye on her and Helen
called her Dr. and she got through the night
ok, I visited her today and her sugars today
seemed to be doing well at least not like Sat.
Mary has to see her Heart Dr. tomorrow Helen
is taking her and will ask the Dr. about the blood
sugars and infection her leg is looking a bit better.

On Friday My sister's Helen, Jeanne, Linda
and myself decided we would hold off on telling
Mary my Aunt Terry's prognosis because we did
not want Mary upset anymore than she was about
her infection, Today Mary asked me about Aunt Terry
so with Helen there I told her about Aunt Terry
Mary asked me to get the phone and call Aunt Terry
so she could talk to her I did, and my aunt seemed to
be in a little clearer state of mind as one can be in her
condition. Mary informed my Aunt that our family
will pray, and keep nothing but positive thoughts
for the both of them.

with that said
yes, truly I believe
priorities are
LOVE,FAMILY,FRIENDS

Mixed Feelings

Today I am feeling a whole mixture of feelings
good feelings, sad feelings, mixed emotions

let's start with the good feelings, I got a part-time job
for a charter school today so I feel good about it I am
looking forward to starting it, I had lunch with some
nice elderly ladies from curves it was great to see
them

I am missing Kiel today he and his aunt Eva
went to Ashland, Oregon for the Shakesphere
festival they will be back next Friday I know
he will have a great time I am trying to get
my self use to him being gone for when he
graduates this year and heads off to college

Under Sad feelings Mary found out she
has an infection in her leg which is
dangerous for someone as she who is
diabetic and has had the bypass
we are keeping a close eye and
she is on antibiotics so hopefully this
will get better quickly and not turn
into any kind of a setback.

I am even sadder today because My Aunt
Terry was told she has about a year to live
due to her pancreatic cancer she was diagnosed
with earlier this week
how can Dr,'s just tell you that you have only
a certain amount of time on this earth?
especially when she went to them for over
a year with symptoms saying something was
wrong with her body and they treated it
like nothing was wrong or it was all
in her head, a person knows their body!
I saw my aunt on the 4th of July and
I could tell she was worried about what
she would hear today but she enjoyed
all of us being together and we had a
good visit.

when she gave me the news we cried.
as stated in an earlier blog
when I was a little girl my aunt
kind of scared me and I did not
see her much but she was always
there for my family.

when I moved back to Ca
and attended a family reunion
we started to get close to each
other and I got to know her kids
and grand kids, that reunion made
me reconnect a great deal with
my mother's remaining brother's
and sister's My aunt is big on
family gatherings and has always
invited my family and sister's families
to their gatherings. Today when she
asked for us to pray
and for me and my sister's to make
sure we come around and know her family
more, I said of course so I am asking any
fellow bloggers who read this please keep
my aunt Terry in your prayers I have seen
first hand what the power of prayer can do
for the human soul of a person with cancer.
aunt Terry will start with her chemo and
radiation this week I believe.

my mixed feelings are just that a mixture
of what has been going on in the family
for the past three weeks, Mary, Aunt Terry,
school, I have decided since I got my job
I will put my fall semester on hold
for now.

I have had the same kind of symptoms
my aunt has had and I am a high risk
for ovarian cancer and uterine cancer
due to me taking a great deal of infertility
drugs and I just got to thinking how would
I handle this if it were me? I am not sure
I keep telling myself depending on what
stage it is I would do chemo if it is in it's first
stage but then I have told my husband and kids
that beyond that I would rather enjoy the quality
of life with them than the quantity. a lesson I learned
from my brother and other people with cancer I have
known, keeping positive thoughts.

what I know for sure at this moment
is that I love my family those in heaven
and those here on earth and I feel very
blessed for all that I am related to
and I will always be there for my aunt
terry.

Freedom

Happy 4Th of JULY


I came across this old poem and I found
it poetic for today.

I watched a flag pass by one day
it fluttered in the breeze
a young man saluted it and
then he stood at ease

I looked at him in uniform
so young, so tall, so proud
with hair cut square and eyes alert
he'd stand out in any crowd

I thought of how many men like him
had fallen through the years
how many died on foreign soil
how many mother's tears

how many pilots planes shot down
how many died at sea
how many foxholes were soldiers graves
no freedom isn't free

I heard the sound of taps one night
when everything was still I listened
to the bugler play and felt a sudden chill

I wondered just how many times that taps
had meant Amen

when a flag draped coffin of a brother or a friend
I thought of all the children of the mother's and
the wives of fathers, son's, husband's with
interrupted lives

I thought about a graveyard at the bottom
of the sea
of unmarked graves in Arlington

NO FREEDOM ISN'T FREE

please keep our loved one's serving
in your prayers

blue

Blue is a pretty color
blue is also what I have been feeling
this last week and weekend, I don't exactly know
why?, Things are better with Mary she is progressing
well day by day, as it should be.

Friday we celebrated my husband Jeff's birthday
quietly as he likes to do, and Saturday we went
for a long drive in the country another thing
Jeff likes to do, then I got a call that my aunt
Theresa(Terry) was diagnosed with Pancreatic
Cancer! I knew for over a year she had been complaining
of pain and not feeling like eating that much but her
Dr.s said it was acid reflux, she was medicated and lived
with the pain and weight loss like I said for over a year
while her Dr. went on vacation she took all her test results
to her Husbands Dr and he did a few more test and called
her in for a biopsy and well now we know the rest.

I spoke with her late Saturday and she is going to beat
this thing. we talked about a great deal of stuff, as a kid
I was never really close to her till a few years ago
I started getting to know my aunts, uncles,cousins, and their families
all over again which has been really great!

so though I am blue I guess it is because I feel
the family circle is being tested once again
I know we will all be there for aunt Theresa no
matter what cause as stated before our family is
a circle of strength and love

The Swift Experience

Last Night, my gal Kait and her best friend
Emily had a great experience the three of us
went to Fresno for an intimate concert with
new country artist Taylor Swift.
( Kaitlyn, has seen her twice counting last night
and I have seen her counting last night a total of three)

she always happens to be the warm up for some concert
we have been to. anyway our Emily has never seen her
up until last night. it was such a great experience for
her and we had great seats.Ms. Swift was the headliner.
last night.
she thrilled the audience with all her songs
( Tim McGraw)( Tear drops on my guitar) young and old
were so into the concert it was a great time but what
made it such a special time for all was this young lady
Taylor Swift did what is known as all access
which meant she stayed and signed autographs
and took photos gave hugs with any one who waited in line!

so of course everyone pretty much stayed to have the
experience of that, we ended up waiting an hour and 30 min
in a hot theatre but it was such a great time,
Emily and Kailtyn loved the
photo she took with each of them
and getting her auto graph
(okay, I have to admit so did I after spending that
time in line waiting!)

My two gals were so excited and happy that they
could not stop talking about it on the way home
of how they would practice on their guitars and
write songs

it was such a joy to see my gals eyes full of excitement
come on how often does a girl get to meet one of their
favorite singers! my girls will always treasure this
not to mention I have become the("awesome Mom
ever!")

that in itself was a great Swift experience