Decision

Seven years ago I had gastric bypass surgery not for the weight loss I had it more so because my high blood pressure was getting bad and also my diabetes. I had the surgery and it all went smooth of course they know more now then they did then, however I did well, as stated earlier I did not lose an over whelming amount of weight I lost a bit but never got out of the numbers I was stuck in and upon my follow up they treated me like they were greatly disappointed in me for not. to me the weight loss was a bit of a perk I had this done to help with the blood pressure and diabetes which it did I was taken off the blood pressure medication and am still on a lesser of the diabetes. But I always felt like something was not right I could intake more fluids and food then I thought and I always felt like my food was stuck going down. but not knowing I just chalked it up to this is the way it is suppose to be.

well of course I regained weight and found out I have osteoporosis and osteo arthritis at the age of 47! I was asked to do some tests and low and behold found out I have a sliding hernia near my esophagus hence why I feel like my food is stuck and I was sent to a bariatric surgeon who gave me some news that has lead me to this state of decision making:

I can take the news two different ways the news is I am a prime candidate for a revision on my bypass apparently when I had it done seven years ago it was fine they just did not go down far enough which is why I did not lose a lot of weight. which is good news if I want to go through everything again of course there are side effects and as the surgeon said we have come along way since you had your surgery. the other way I could take this is do nothing and run the risk of more weight gain as hard as i try and then as I age have the chance of my diabetes and everything ailing me get worse. What to do?

After talking with my husband I agreed to at least hear the Dr's out I agreed to take the tests and see if in fact the insurance company agrees cause after all if the insurance won't pay no way will i be doing this should I decide to.!

that is where I am at going through everything knowing that if the insurance agrees then I have to decide on having the revision or not. having the revision could mean a great deal it could help me with the diabetes, it could aid in a significant amount of weight loss it could lead me to a healthier lifestyle and not always feel like a failure with weight issues!

but on the other side of the coin, there are side effects with everything I mean I had my insides altered once seven years ago should I really mess with that again? I really just don't know, my husband and son say I should do it, my daughter says it is my decision and she supports whatever she just wants to know that I will be around when she is married and has children.
( I plan on being) seven years ago cause it was new she was not happy about me having the surgery at all!. I guess we will find out sooner or later this last Friday I was told that my case is now in review with the insurance company and it looks good due to the hernia.

I have so many things going on in my life to blog about and I hope to reconnect with myself and the blog writing very soon I keep telling my self I am and I somehow get side tracked! I will post what I will decide when i make that decision It just felt good to put it out here in blog land.

The Beach Feeds My Soul

There is something about the ocean that well in a healthy mental way literally "feeds my soul"
this photo of my husband Jeff and I was taken by our son last April in SF while we were there for the day celebrating our son's 20th birthday.
behind us you can see Alcatraz, any how I really don't know what it is about the ocean that makes me feel at peace and that all the worries and stresses that I have inside me before I get to the beach somehow seems to calm me and I know it will all work out when I get near the ocean and listen and feel the breeze and mist. I am by far not a person who by any means enjoys swimming in it the most I will do is walk along the shore line barefoot. but I love sitting on the sand watching and listening to it sing. realizing just how small I am next to it How big and strong it is flowing back and forth. I can't explain the feeling it gives me but it knows how to make me feel better some how knows the hunger my soul is needing and well it just "feeds my soul" I also know that the Lord above guides me and he to feeds my soul the beauty of the water, mountains all the things I love are just a mere extension of the blessings the Lord gives to me. and I am
grateful for that. What feeds your soul?

Summer 10

2010 summer in retrospect.

I had the whole month of July off of course working for a school and so the time off was without pay but I don't mind that I usually only get two weeks so this year due to budget cuts having a month off was a blessing
my husband and I took a trip over the July 4th weekend and visited his parents in Az it kind of sounds crazy to watch fireworks over a river in NV but that is what we did it was a fun filled weekend. came home with intentions of doing many other things but for two weeks of it I ended up starting projects and coming up with ideas I am going to slowly do for myself. Saw a movie or two
read some great books, visited my eldest niece who I love spending time with. ( plan to do more of that!) visited with my sisters for a little bit, at the end of the month we took a family weekend and went to San Diego,( blog and photos to come) took a tour of the Olympic Training Facility, had lunch at Croce's and dinner in old town San Diego, then sent my daughter and her boyfriend on their way to Az to visit his grandparents for a week. my son, husband and I came home and
enjoyed the coast and went to our favorite open air markets. I went back to work , daughter and boyfriend returned from Az daughter started college, and we had a family dinner Son back at college in Santa Cruz and this last weekend husband Jeff and I went to Oregon to check out places there we may want to retire out of few only like one town, had a blast at the open air market in Eugene love the artists work and vibe they give the hippies are still alive and well as one sign said! left Eugene hit the coast drove home now catching up on all to catch up on. Summer in over and I look forward to fall.

Tim and Lady A

As most of you know one of my guilty pleasures is to attend a few concerts of different kinds of music. somehow I always end up at a couple of country concerts ( yes, I love country music!) to start off our season this year My daughter and I saw Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum it was kind of suppose to be a double date with her boyfriend and my husband but the guys bailed out ( well OK they got the flu) and so I was able to
give their tickets to one of my sister's who is a huge Tim McGraw fan, I was so happy to see her smiling face at the concert.
The concert was good the last time I saw Tim in concert was with his wife Faith Hill and all though they put on a good show together I think that separately they rock the house! I got some really good photos of the concert. and Tim played some of his new and old stuff.
This was the first time I got to see Lady A play they are becoming very popular and I enjoy there music all though they were the warm up band and only played for approx 30 min they too made the crowd cheer with excitement and joy. singing their songs. I also got some nice photos of them. all and all my daughter and I had a great time.

next on our list is Brad Paisley and Darius Rucker ( I know another country concert) and then some pop like Maroon 5 then back to my generation of Jimmy Buffett, and mix in some Michael Buble!

Who Am I ?

I love the life I live everyday good or bad come what may it is a blessing to me. I read a quote by Drew Barrymore once that said " I never regret anything because every little detail of your life is what made you into the person you are in the end" I believe this quote though it is very easy to regret and learn to accept and live with those regrets it is a true statement that every detail of your life makes you the person you are. As of late I find myself wondering who I am.

Who am I? I hope that I am living my life as a loving wife/soulmate/partner to my husband of 27 years marriage is a daily constant work of art in progress that strengthens me. for barley knowing each other as we did and having a whirlwind relationship and having people tell us we would not last we are living proof 27 years later that with true love anything that is worth fighting for is worth it! as I have stated many times my husband Jeff is my ultimate best friend and my soul-mate I found my destiny with him the moment I laid my eyes on him and yes we argue, fuss and fight and agree to disagree but bottom line is we love each other sometimes it is shown with much affection and other times it is unspoken between us and just known I have no regrets about the way we met and married. I am enjoying growing old with this man and I love him more each and everyday. I look forward to the rest of our love/life eternal journey together in the years to come.

As a Mother I hope that I have taught my children to live their lives to the fullest and have shown them unconditional love and respect for us and themselves and to stand in their beliefs, that marriage is worth all the constant, love and respect and support even when you think it isn't and I will continue to do so even though they are young adult. the relationship between parents and children does change as it should I think it gets better but for me my son and daughter have been my constant light and love no mere words could express my everlasting eternal love for them.

they have taught me so many things and I am proud of who they are and who they are becoming and that they welcome me into their lives, I enjoy our conversations I have with each of them. My relationship with each of them is so very special to me My son has taught me so much about compassion he a learner and a teacher and will make a great professor one day. My daughter is my best friend( I know all mom's say that) I kind of relate our relationship in some ways to the "Gilmore Girls" the dynamics the mother and daughter characters in that show shared is what i feel between me and my daughter who I talk about everything she has a quote she likes that says " Be the kind of woman you would want your daughter to be" well my daughter has surpassed that tremendously I am so proud of her and I love and value our close relationship and I know nothing nor no one will ever come between us.

My children have been my sound of reason at time when I needed it most I love that they have a trust in me with no secrets and that no matter what they know that they can come to me with anything and I will always be there to listen, guide, give them a shoulder to lean on a lap to cry on if needed whatever they need without any kind of judgment.

I welcome who they bring that becomes part of our family my daughter has already done so she has brought a remarkable young gentleman whom I have become very fond of not only had this special man Kevin become my best friend for almost a year he and my daughter have fallen in love they are courting and promised and Kevin will one day be my son ( though I already consider him my other son) my husband and son are very fond of Kevin as well and we are glad to have him as a member of our family. We know he will make our daughter happy and they will have a great life when they are married ( after college) and be close to our families.

As a woman well I guess I hope that I am a woman of strength I learned how strong a woman could be from my mother. Bless her soul for all that she taught me and given to me. another favorite quote by Drew that I like is this " I pray to be like the ocean with soft currents maybe waves at times more and more I want consistency rather than the highs and lows" I am working on that in my life.

lately the Beatles song In My Life has been playing over and over in my head.
There are places I remember all my life though some of changed some forever not for better
some have gone and remain all these places have their moments with lovers and friends i still can recall some are dead and some are living in my life I've loved them all.

but of all these friends and lovers there is no one compares to you and these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before I know I'll often think about them in my life I love you more.

I do love my husband, kids more

so who am I?
I am me a person who tires to do the best she can daily I hope that the special people in my life
knows that. I have been asked if I think I am beautiful well I am not comfortable answering questions of that nature so I respond with this quote "When I lay my head on the pillow at night I can say I was decent person today that is when I feel BEAUTIFUL

Stronger Woman

I have been away from the world of blogging my expressions for most of this year. reason being I have had so many things going on in my family life that made my heart not want to express anything I have been kind of numb. though I know that if my heart would have been in it my blogger friends would have been there with love and support.

Growing up I had the pleasure of learning from my mom and she was the strongest woman I have ever known. watching her strength through any situation always made me in awe of her, even though she lives in my heart she guides me through.

My number one priority has and always will be my family
and I try to do the best that I can to be there with all my love and support.

My husband and I just celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary I remember when we first started out because our relationship was so very quick people would tell us it won't last funny thing those people that told us that they have been divorced and remarried several times.

My husband had an injury that was work related three years ago and been living in pain and surgeries and diagnosis and dealing with attorney's hopefully this is about ready to come to a conclusion and I am confident that he will come out the winner in his battle. I have really been living in this pain with him this injury caused him so much turmoil that it literally took over not only his life but OUR lives. now things are returning to normal. Though it has been hard my children have been my rock through all of this..

My son is doing well in college gosh he can grad early next year if he chooses but has decided to take the extra year. haven't seen much of him this year as being a resident aide for the dorms keeps him busy but have enjoyed when we do spend time next year will be the same. I can't believe I am the mother of a 20 yr old.

My daughter is healing after going through a really bad experience and I am so glad that she has not lost who she is and I am grateful that she and I are so very close. She will be graduating high school in 6 days, she has a new boyfriend who my husband and I adore and can see the young man becoming our son in law in the future. in a few weeks she will be 18.

it is interesting just how strong a person finds out they are when they are going through situations that they feel they have no control over. I have felt so many emotions some that made me feel guilty for feeling that way to the point that I began to feel like I was losing sight of who I am and still want to become, but again my family comes first then me I think that is how women are made.

I guess I find that I am my mother's daughter and she was a strong woman so I am grateful that every aspect of her is in me her love, her strength, my daughter has a favorite saying
" Be the woman you would want your daughter to be" she says that I am her inspiration when she thinks of that quote. I guess I am my mother's daughter and my daughter is mine.

Happy mother's day and peace and hugs

Cal State Monterey

My daughter is graduating high school in two short months and my how the time has flown by.
she applied and was accepted to all the colleges she applied to but she has made her choice she will be attending and living at Cal State University Monterey and we are so proud of her decision. She will be a short drive from her brother who attends UC Santa Cruz and still yet a short drive from home as well. hence now she is bugging us that she needs a car of her own!

well I am happy becuase when I go to visit I will be able to see both of my kids and we will have plenty of fun at the beaches!!!