Back to the Steps

Sometimes in life we find that we don't know what to do next when we feel confused, upset at the end of our rope we should go back to the steps. No matter what situation we are facing working a step will help focus on one then work it

what does it mean to work a step? think about it focus on about how that step will apply make sure to hold on to it tightly as we hang on to the problem

Steps can be one solution they work , we can trust them to work we can trust were the steps will lead us. we just have to follow the steps to lead us to the path we need to take

what steps are you following?

We Can Trust Ourselves

For many people there comes a time when the issue is not whether we can trust another person again; it's whether we can trust our own judgment again

it is funny how in a blink of an eye life can change your perspective on how you see things and before you know it (depending) on the situation can also change your thoughts and bring you down
I have found myself pondering this question of trust then I came across this passage

" Today I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past
I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today I will give up my past even my mistakes validity by accepting and being grateful for it all, I will look as to why my mistakes were made and what I have gained from making these mistakes I will keep a wonderful open eye out for improvement in all aspects of my life"

I have had the pleasure of knowing

Aside from my mother there was one woman who just like her was one of the best woman I ever had the pleasure of knowing and that was Thelma Lois Clark Madden (a.k.a. Granny) she was my husband' s grandmother., when I came into the family almost 28yrs ago she and I became kindred spirits she was a week younger than my own mother. and it was such a joy to always talk to her in person and on the phone. we would always have the capacity to brighten each others day and there was nothing that we could not ever talk about.

we had such things in common love of cooking (she gave me a few secret family recipes and tricks she cooked like my mother never measuring anything but it always came out good! we had a love for thrift and antique shopping, and yard sales. and listening to old time ( bluegrass) music as well as country music.

she was strong and told us ( my husband, myself and our kids) the most amazing stories of when she was a girl and when she and her husband met and just so much great family history. she was a leather craft artist we are told the National Cowboy Heritage Museum had made repeated offers to purchase and acquire these free hand leather art work.

The photos were all divided among the grandchildren ours hang on the wall and I take such joy and pride when looking at them they not only are art they are also pieces of family history and that is where they remain in the family forever.

Sadly on Oct 11Th 2010 my kindred spirit left this earth to be with her soul-mate in heaven interesting fact she passed 10 days before the passing anniversary which was sated for 1o/21/10 we all for sure thought that she would not make herself last this many years without him. at least our granny is at peace now and with her husband.

My husband was very close to his grandparents when his grandpa passed my husband could not attend his grandfather's service. My husband had a pneumonia at the time we did however go back to visit granny that summer before she moved out to AZ. His grandparents told him stories of traveling the route 55 so on our way driving to Oklahoma we paid homage and we took the old route 66 route and I-40 and took in the scenery and time.

I am glad that we took the time to do this Thelma Lois Cook Madden (Granny) was a very special person in my life. Our last visit with her was in July she was always happy to see us and she had us sit on each side of her holding our hands looking at my husband telling him while raising my hand and saying to him " This girl is the best she is a keeper you better always remember that you have a rare gem who's love in her heart shines in both of you" I cannot express that since her passing I hear her voice saying those words. I will never forget her she lives in my heart forever.

Thelma Lois Cook Clark
March 1920-Oct 2010

Decision

Seven years ago I had gastric bypass surgery not for the weight loss I had it more so because my high blood pressure was getting bad and also my diabetes. I had the surgery and it all went smooth of course they know more now then they did then, however I did well, as stated earlier I did not lose an over whelming amount of weight I lost a bit but never got out of the numbers I was stuck in and upon my follow up they treated me like they were greatly disappointed in me for not. to me the weight loss was a bit of a perk I had this done to help with the blood pressure and diabetes which it did I was taken off the blood pressure medication and am still on a lesser of the diabetes. But I always felt like something was not right I could intake more fluids and food then I thought and I always felt like my food was stuck going down. but not knowing I just chalked it up to this is the way it is suppose to be.

well of course I regained weight and found out I have osteoporosis and osteo arthritis at the age of 47! I was asked to do some tests and low and behold found out I have a sliding hernia near my esophagus hence why I feel like my food is stuck and I was sent to a bariatric surgeon who gave me some news that has lead me to this state of decision making:

I can take the news two different ways the news is I am a prime candidate for a revision on my bypass apparently when I had it done seven years ago it was fine they just did not go down far enough which is why I did not lose a lot of weight. which is good news if I want to go through everything again of course there are side effects and as the surgeon said we have come along way since you had your surgery. the other way I could take this is do nothing and run the risk of more weight gain as hard as i try and then as I age have the chance of my diabetes and everything ailing me get worse. What to do?

After talking with my husband I agreed to at least hear the Dr's out I agreed to take the tests and see if in fact the insurance company agrees cause after all if the insurance won't pay no way will i be doing this should I decide to.!

that is where I am at going through everything knowing that if the insurance agrees then I have to decide on having the revision or not. having the revision could mean a great deal it could help me with the diabetes, it could aid in a significant amount of weight loss it could lead me to a healthier lifestyle and not always feel like a failure with weight issues!

but on the other side of the coin, there are side effects with everything I mean I had my insides altered once seven years ago should I really mess with that again? I really just don't know, my husband and son say I should do it, my daughter says it is my decision and she supports whatever she just wants to know that I will be around when she is married and has children.
( I plan on being) seven years ago cause it was new she was not happy about me having the surgery at all!. I guess we will find out sooner or later this last Friday I was told that my case is now in review with the insurance company and it looks good due to the hernia.

I have so many things going on in my life to blog about and I hope to reconnect with myself and the blog writing very soon I keep telling my self I am and I somehow get side tracked! I will post what I will decide when i make that decision It just felt good to put it out here in blog land.

The Beach Feeds My Soul

There is something about the ocean that well in a healthy mental way literally "feeds my soul"
this photo of my husband Jeff and I was taken by our son last April in SF while we were there for the day celebrating our son's 20th birthday.
behind us you can see Alcatraz, any how I really don't know what it is about the ocean that makes me feel at peace and that all the worries and stresses that I have inside me before I get to the beach somehow seems to calm me and I know it will all work out when I get near the ocean and listen and feel the breeze and mist. I am by far not a person who by any means enjoys swimming in it the most I will do is walk along the shore line barefoot. but I love sitting on the sand watching and listening to it sing. realizing just how small I am next to it How big and strong it is flowing back and forth. I can't explain the feeling it gives me but it knows how to make me feel better some how knows the hunger my soul is needing and well it just "feeds my soul" I also know that the Lord above guides me and he to feeds my soul the beauty of the water, mountains all the things I love are just a mere extension of the blessings the Lord gives to me. and I am
grateful for that. What feeds your soul?

Summer 10

2010 summer in retrospect.

I had the whole month of July off of course working for a school and so the time off was without pay but I don't mind that I usually only get two weeks so this year due to budget cuts having a month off was a blessing
my husband and I took a trip over the July 4th weekend and visited his parents in Az it kind of sounds crazy to watch fireworks over a river in NV but that is what we did it was a fun filled weekend. came home with intentions of doing many other things but for two weeks of it I ended up starting projects and coming up with ideas I am going to slowly do for myself. Saw a movie or two
read some great books, visited my eldest niece who I love spending time with. ( plan to do more of that!) visited with my sisters for a little bit, at the end of the month we took a family weekend and went to San Diego,( blog and photos to come) took a tour of the Olympic Training Facility, had lunch at Croce's and dinner in old town San Diego, then sent my daughter and her boyfriend on their way to Az to visit his grandparents for a week. my son, husband and I came home and
enjoyed the coast and went to our favorite open air markets. I went back to work , daughter and boyfriend returned from Az daughter started college, and we had a family dinner Son back at college in Santa Cruz and this last weekend husband Jeff and I went to Oregon to check out places there we may want to retire out of few only like one town, had a blast at the open air market in Eugene love the artists work and vibe they give the hippies are still alive and well as one sign said! left Eugene hit the coast drove home now catching up on all to catch up on. Summer in over and I look forward to fall.

Tim and Lady A

As most of you know one of my guilty pleasures is to attend a few concerts of different kinds of music. somehow I always end up at a couple of country concerts ( yes, I love country music!) to start off our season this year My daughter and I saw Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum it was kind of suppose to be a double date with her boyfriend and my husband but the guys bailed out ( well OK they got the flu) and so I was able to
give their tickets to one of my sister's who is a huge Tim McGraw fan, I was so happy to see her smiling face at the concert.
The concert was good the last time I saw Tim in concert was with his wife Faith Hill and all though they put on a good show together I think that separately they rock the house! I got some really good photos of the concert. and Tim played some of his new and old stuff.
This was the first time I got to see Lady A play they are becoming very popular and I enjoy there music all though they were the warm up band and only played for approx 30 min they too made the crowd cheer with excitement and joy. singing their songs. I also got some nice photos of them. all and all my daughter and I had a great time.

next on our list is Brad Paisley and Darius Rucker ( I know another country concert) and then some pop like Maroon 5 then back to my generation of Jimmy Buffett, and mix in some Michael Buble!