While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord


I came across this song quite a few years ago and today I find it relating to me in my life. I have always believed in the Lord and though I have in the past kind of fell through the cracks so to speak ( meaning I always kept my faith I just lost the want of the social aspect of attending church every Sunday ) but I never lost my faith I just kind of have kept it on the down low of my self. especially in the last four years since my family has gone through some heavy tribulations but nothing stopped me from my faith in the Lord that things will get better. actually it is what sustained me to get through what we have been through. in today's life it is not easy things happen and people do want to blame someone else especially GOD and though these things sometimes don't give us the reason why we are going through them they can also be a blessing in disguise I have been on a soulful and healthful reconnection journey of myself since January and everyday I am finding out things I thought were gone and new things I am embracing and one thing that I have truly accepted is that you have to talk to yourself and GOD honestly and openly and being patient at the same time that things will get better while I am waiting.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

 
I normally do not post about my family life because I am a private person but I as of late feel the need to express my thoughts as sort of a cathartic healing for myself  I have been living with my soul mate who was diagnosed two and a half years ago with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat. PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:1. Re-experiencing symptoms: Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating ,Bad dreams,Frightening thoughts.Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.
 2. Avoidance symptoms:Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience Feeling emotionally numb Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. (For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car)
 3. Hyperarousal symptoms:Being easily startled Feeling tense or “on edge”Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem this is PTSD and some people with PTSD do not show symptoms for weeks, months or years.

This is what has happened to my husband while he was injured by a co worker at the time he worked for a well known large company four years ago! my husband went through the proper protocol with in the company and no one from the supervisor up did anything to help him needless to say this developed into a workman's comp issue which is still pending and he has added a wrongful termination of my husband this past Januray while he is still on disability. he worked for this company for 12 years!  this whole thing has had us tied up in knots emotionally and has also taken a physical and a big financial toll on us. Things with the case against this company are looking up but the process of it is very slow and  has been hard. My husband is a smart man and he even has the CA Federal EEOC filing case against company as well on his behalf.

Getting back to the toll it has taken it is a difficult one this PTSD has changed my husband at times he seems not to be the man I fell in love with and really till this case is settled I feel helpless all I can do is be supportive as best as I can. I have seen what this has done to him first hand by outbursts of anger, etc and how it effects us and how it effects me.I feel so scared for him, I feel scared for us and I also feel anger anger that this all happened to him and us in the first place for no reason!. because of this disorder our finances have taken a big hit and we are now contemplating bankruptcy ( we always had our bills paid on time and never thought we would have to do this ) but with this disorder and being in a depression he let our finances get out of control and I did not see this happening till it was to late I now am taking hold of the situation but maybe for me watching the man I love live in fear made me afraid to face facts at the time too. Face the fact that I was watching him lose who he is and who he has always been to me and our kids. that I could really lose him in the mental and physical sense.. I was and am not ready for . I am not afraid of the bankruptcy those were just material things and material things can always be gotten again. and with this economy we would not be the first or the last people are filing everyday . I look at it as a blessing in disguise so that we can start from scratch something I am not afraid to do.

Three things to teach

Another one of many favorite quotes by Lao-Tzu

" I have just three things to teach

Simplicity, Patience, Compassion  

these things are your greatest treasures"

Most belive

"Most people believe the mind to be a mirror more or less accurately reflecting the world outside them not realizing on the contrary that the mind is itself the principal element of creation"

Broad Minded

" Be broad-minded whole, without relying on others"

There and Here

"When we are not bored with here and longing to be there, When the life of things is breathed in and breathed out with every breath we take. when we live with the past of our world and into the unborn future without desiring to undo what is done, or avoid what must be, then we live in a timeless life now, a place-less life here" (R.H..Blyth)

Bloom

"People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong.Why not try and see the positive things to just touch those things and make them bloom!" (Thich Nhat Hanh)