Tuesday, January 18, 2011


This past Saturday January 15th I had a revision of a gastric bypass that I originally had seven years ago, I not only had that I also had some other issues going on. When I originally had this surgery seven years ago it was becoming popular due to Carny Wilson I did not have the surgery for the weight loss( I lost some weight but not a great deal)  I had it done for other medical reasons which did help. now I find myself in a repeat mode here I am have had the surgery for medical reasons and if I am lucky the weight loss would be a perk but I am more about the medical reasons and I am hoping that having done this again will help me heal as my journey of self health and discovery began in the new year. Do not misunderstand me I am very grateful that the insurance company approved this revision it astonishes me the technology and such that they do now for this compared to seven years ago.  So far I am doing well I actually was able to come home late Sunday afternoon which seven years ago I had to stay in hospital like four days! when I stopped to think about it I think about how having this done will affect my life not only by eating, or the physical changes that will or may occur but also the emotional changes that will be apart of this as well. Change is a good thing and I will embrace it one day at time. I am thankful and blessed that I was given this chance or opportunity once again so I am praying and embracing this revision as a revision for a healthy lifestyle to be truly incorporated in my journey and life path that I am on.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Today I was prodded and poked for upcoming revision surgery I am having on Sat. I give great kudos to those nurses, medical assistants, x-ray technician and lab technicians that draw blood ever so gently! I have to say I am feeling so much emotions from excited to very nervous! this decision was not an easy one but if it helps me obtain and live a healthier lifestyle then it is what needs to be done! Tonight was my last full meal till surgery tomorrow and for a week or two after I am on a liquid diet. I thought I would have something wonderful for dinner my last solid meal for a while was get this a hot dog and potato chips! what possessed me to have this I do not know. anyway we will see how this will all play out.

thought of the day by Albert Einstein

" The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self"

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The final decision

A while back I posted that I had a decision regarding surgery to make. I went through the motions and got the approval from the insurance company after praying and soul searching I have made the final decision  that I will go ahead with the gastric bypass revision surgery

What I did not anticipate was that the surgery be scheduled so fast I will be having the surgery this coming Saturday. if you read my blog then you know that in this new year I am on a self discovery path and I guess that having this surgery is part of my journey.

I have always found it kind of wonderous how things just happen to come together or fall in place at the right time I am going to say the good Lord and Angels above and on earth are looking out for me this happening the way it is, is truly a blessing.

I also have to admit I am a bit frightened that I am going through with this surgery afraid of how my life will be changing because of this surgery to many questions and thoughts running through my mind. questions like making sure everything is in order that I have letters written to my husband and children expressing how much I love them. don't misunderstand me I believe it will all work out for the best but there is always the possibility and if it is my time then I am not afraid of death. questions like will this work this time? how will my body be changing, and then like what will my life be like having to buy new clothes, will I like what I see when I look in the mirror? the questions just keep going on and on .

Today I am finding what my journey so far as set fourth and I guess it is a winding path of self health and self discovery and the paths are starting to intertwine.

today 's quote in my head
" Calm is the morn without a sound. calm as to suit a calmer grief, and only through the faded leaf the chestnut pattering to the ground" Alfred Loyd Tennyson

Peace and Hugs

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

more quotes and thoughts

" In dwelling live close to the ground, in thinking keep to the simple. In conflict be fair and generous, In governing don't try to control. In work do WHAT YOU ENJOY in family life BE COMPLETELY PRESENT"

                                                                                                                                  Tao Te Ching

Monday, January 10, 2011

Self Discovery page 1

For 9 days now I am on a journey of self discovery and to that it means that there are times that I need to conquer some of my fears and step out of my comfort zone so here it is my first step as small as it is
A self photo of me with no make up I took a zillion of these as it seemed and this one seemed the nicest to post. though I am only an amature at photography as I go along with my journey I hope that I become better at it especially taking photos of myself.
I call this a raw photo of me yes it was taken in my bathroom where my art is of bathing beauties and you can see a bit of one of the photos ( after all the human body is a wonderful work of art ). as I began my journey for the past nine days I have been taking some stock of myself and that is where this photo kind of comes in. Last November I turned 48 years of age( by some young peoples standards I am considered getting old) however I don't look at it as older I look at it as I am gracefully getting wiser each year I celebrate the day I came into this world and took my first breath!. When I see myself there are times I see an aging woman, and as human as I am there are times when I do not want to see my self but since I started this journey I see my story that has been and is being written by my laugh/frown lines, by my eyes, and the lines around them, the dimples I was born with , scars from my youth, my double chin etc. I embrace it because as mentioned this is who I am, I have never been into the hype of plastic surgery don't get me wrong I am not putting those kind of procedures down for the many woman and men who can afford it and do it to make themselves feel better then I say good for them. but it is not for me. for me I am embracing from the Raw to the fullest of what makes me, and what better person to author their own story right? 

funny when I was taking photos of myself I kept hearing the Michael Jackson song play over and over in my head " Man in the Mirror" especially the line " I'm starting with the man in the mirror" then the line " and no message could have been any clearer if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change" 

well perhaps my journey of self discovery will not make the world a better place but I am hoping for some healthy interior self change.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

5 more quotes

so in 2011 I am going to be expressing quotes that I like or find interesting these quotes come from all over as I keep my mind open to all things.

here are the next five I am sharing.

" We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us. restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for few persons nearest to us" Albert Einstein

" Our life is shaped by our mind, we become what we think Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves" Buddha

" Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes" Alan Watts

" The sublime vision comes to the pure and simple soul in a clean and chaste body" Ralph Waldo Emerson.

" At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want" Lao-tzu

Friday, January 7, 2011

Something to think about

This morning I awoke and found this in my email in box after reading it, it gave me food for thought so to speak it really as ignited a little inspiration of fuel in me as I am taking baby steps on my self discovery path any way just thought I would share this with you.

This quote is by Zen Teacher Cheryl Huber.

" Our lives are the result of what we Practice " I should be different", or " I'm afraid " or " I don't know what to do" that is the life experience we will have, what we get in life the life we have is the result of what we do, If i want to be joyful or peaceful or satisfied I must do joyful, peaceful or satisfied I cannot want one thing and practice another thing and get the result I want, what I practice is what I have it is imperative that what I practice is what I Want".

what is it that you want and practice?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

On My Path of Self Discovery

In this new year I am embarking on a path of self discovery, I know that I am a soul-mate, wife, best friend, etc to my husband of 27 years and I continue to embrace what we have built and continue to build. he is my true north always has been and will continue to be even when we are put to the test.

I am a mother to my grown college age kids and would not trade that position for anything in the world my love for my kids and my husband our little family sustains me more than anything they are my guiding light in so many ways.

I am a sister to my sisters and brother and an auntie/Tia to my nieces and nephews. a friend to those who consider me a friend( which is a rare few) but I am a loyal friend. All these things that I know that make up me are fact, yet there are times when I feel like there is a puzzle piece of me missing nothing will change what I am as far as my family is concerned they are my first priority always but in this new year I feel the utmost need or calling if you will to rediscover me.

My first step is to take stock of my life thus far my 20's, 30's and present my 40's I am going to journal about each decade and write my feelings about it what I learned in those years and what I still long to learn, and perhaps along the way journal about it on a blog. what I know for sure is that this path I am embarking on I am guided by the good Lord above and I believe this self discovery is something the Lord is leading me to do and. I am in need of finding a self worth of balance and self healing and growing in my physical and mental and professional life( those are my buzzwords this year self and healing) and to let go of some of the non important baggage that I have been carrying with me. So with some journaling of my thoughts and some meditation I hope to be on the right path of my self discovery no matter how long it takes, or where it leads ( I am hoping to attend some workshops etc.) and even if I discover that there is no puzzle piece of me missing then I know I have had the greatest adventure in following my path of self discovery.

I love quotes and this quote in particular is one of my all time favorite spectacular quotes that hits home with me every time and will remain on my blog.

this quote is by Dolly Parton and reads


what path are you on this new year?

Monday, January 3, 2011

quotes to start the new year

I have used some of these quotes before in a blog or two but I think they are worth repeating for the first three days of the new year.

(A) "Nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished" Lao -tzu

( B)" Now today moment by moment realize that each person and event that happens is life for you. Life is not somewhere else. See how fully you can accept the life that presents itself to you now" Brenda Shoshanna.

(C) " I do not cut my life up into days but my days into lives each day each hour an entire life" Juan Ramon Jimenez.