Friday, February 25, 2011

The Visit

On Jan 29th marked three weeks since surgery and I started to reintroduce food to myself mind you only a third cup per serving. that seems so small until you measure your food ! my husband Jeff and I decided I needed to get out of the house and go visit our son Kiel who attends UC Santa Cruz since he had been sick they thought he had an pnuemonia he ended up having a severe cold. anyway we had hoped to spend the day with our son however when we got there we only ended up spending about 15 min with him as he found out that morning he had a residential  aide interviews to conduct so we planned a rain check date. So Jeff and I drove down to Campbell and I had my first lunch out since I am reintroducing foods we ate at subway and I had scoop of tuna in a bowl cause I can not have breads or bread products yet. they charged me the same price as if I had bought a sandwhich  I do not want to over eat so I am being very careful but I fear that I might have and did but I did not get any kind of dumping syndrome so I don't know. we windowed shopped around and later had soup at Fresh Choice it was a challenge for me but I did ok I still believe that I over ate I have to be so careful about overeating. when i got home a bit of an incident occurred but it will work itself out.

Monday, February 21, 2011

The sound of the rain

"Meditation is not an escape from life but a preparation for really being in life" Tinch Nhat Hanh

Jan 30th I awoke to the sound of rain it sometimes is a beautiful sound when it stopped I took a brisk walk to buy a newspaper and get a bit of exercising in by doing the walk cause right now that is extent of the exercising I can do. later Jeff and I went into town and purchased a convention counter oven i got the food network brand this item is something I have long wanted the only reason we bought it is cause it was on sale for a good price other wise I would have kept waiting. then Jeff took me to lunch at Panda Express I thought I would be ok wth just steamed vegetables my stomach was so not ready for that again had the feeling I over ate. so I was careful the rest of the day. came home and made my mother in laws soup today when I weighed I am down 14lbs still a great deal to go but again the dropping of the lbs is a perk I still have a great deal to do and accomplish. awkwardness with my daughters boyfriend sorry he feels that way but Jeff and I will not tolerate not treating our daughter with respect (even if they argue we call her on it as well if she is treating him bad) no matter what we will support our daughter what kind of parents would we be if we did not get upset at him for what he said to our daughter we are over it but hopefully he understands that we mean what we say. he will she will they will treat each other with respect. It has been weeks since I wrote the main part of this post and I think the kids ( my daughter and her boyfriend) have gained more respect for us. these are life's lessons we are teaching them so that if and when they do end up getting married at least they have a strong type of mentors to follow. I am not saying that my husband and I are perfect certainly we not but we have lived and been married for 28 years so we should know a little of what we talk about.

I so enjoy the sound of the rain as when I listen to it, it reminds me just how it trickles down washing all the negative stuff and cleansing the heart and soul. I love to jump in the puddles and feel the rain drops fall on me. bringing out the inner child in me, I love the sound of the rain for the since of the nurturing it gives to all living things we need water to grow, to be refreshed , I love the sound of the rain for the comfort and warmness it creates in the home I love the sound of the rain for the cuddling my husband and I share ( ok we don't only cuddle when it rains we cuddle all the time)

I simply love the sound of the rain

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Jan 31-2/1

The last day of January went for a ride with Jeff  to do some errands good to get out of the house it is strange weather here I seem to be same as far as eating I am aware that I have been eating more than I should so I am scaling down back to Jello and popscile for a few days. 2/1/11 new month  feeling a little stressed out had my first episode of "dumping" this morning I realized that if I over eat I get the hiccups so now I am understanding that there are other signs of over eating and not just vomiting. so I plan to be more cautious about my relearning to eat foods. Jeff has been really supportive we are becoming closer he told me he is glad that I had this surgery and that we are together see we have been having many stresses of many issues but he made me feel better he is in support of my decision to be a "life Coach" he is also supportive of the journey I am on and supportive of another thing I decided I would like to try becoming a pampered chef consultant I am going to give it a try as I have a passion for cooking and i love their products and again even if I try and find out it's not my cup of tea at least i can say I tried and have some wonderful kitchen gadgets at a discount basically that is what I sometimes due I join things like this for the consultant discount!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Ah ha Moment

" The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self" Albert Einstein
I had what Oprah Winfrey calls "Ah ha moment" today I say I made a self discovery today something I feel I would be good at, something I feel my path of self discovery is leading me to I feel the need to become a "Life Coach" I am doing the research now as to what steps I will need to take to achieve this and I think that I have found the right place to begin taking my steps on this path it sounds wonderful it is a bit expensive but I think it will be well worth it for me and even if I never put it into use in a professional manner ( I am planning to use it in that capacity) but if not then I believe I can learn and grow from it personally, I ended my evening tonight having a wonderful phone conversation with my son he gave me such encouragement and said I should pursue this path. .

Friday, February 18, 2011

The woes of $

" Although gold dust is precious when it gets in your eyes it obstructs your vision" His-tang

while I have been home due to my surgery I found out a state disability claim that I filed was " invalid" reason being the school I work for does not pay into it what they do is pay into it as a supplement through a private insurance which as an employee you can get and pay for ( needless to say when I started I did not need nor want to pay for that extra insurance) I refused to use any of my vacation or sick time because I may need it for other things anyway even though I am not being paid for this time off  I learned a lesson that I should have really checked into that prior to my surgery except that my surgery happened so fast. I should not have assumed that I would get state disability for my time off. again as I said Lesson learned I have been learning a lot of lessons  of late.

My husband has been on disability from his job for almost a year it is a work related injury and yet the day of my surgery he received a letter stating he was terminated. ( I did not know you can be let go while you are on disability) so my husband as filed a grivance with the union for his work and also got the state EEOC and filed a wrongful termination suit. my husband did find out that since is workman's comp case is still on going he will have to exhaust all the disability money before he can file unemployment. my husbands case is on going and he also got permission to file suit from the state we live in.

I have to admit I am concerned my husband is a retired veteran so we are good for medical he does get his retirement and the income from my job is money but not enough so we have been going over things and I am frightened that we may have to file bankruptcy ( I know it 's common in this economy and it's a bad mark on your credit for 10 years) after thinking about it in some ways I think it may be a blessing for us if we did I mean ever since my husband got injured our credit has gotten bad though we work on getting it fixed up but it is always something. so I believe if we do file bankruptcy it would be a blessing to start over I only read a little bit about it so I keep praying that things will get better financially and me getting back to work on Monday will help me to feel like I am helping in a small way. I am also thinking it is time for me to go back to school while I may be able to get a grant or some financial aid while our income is not what it used to be and hopefully my college kids can also get better financial aid. as for my progress I have been walking and my food consumption has been good.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Internally Externally

On Jan 25th 2011 I had my first post op appointment I have lost 10lbs today since I had surgery which I am told is normal for a revision patient such as myself I also had the drain tube removed that was a bit painful but boy I feel so much better now that it is out and I can actually move and sleep in my bed now. as I am recovering and healing I am beginning to realize that physical journey of my self health and also the emotional and mental path are leading to one path of my self discovery what I am beginning to realize and understand my "ah ha" moment is that my journey is all internal before it can be external.

Internal- the dictionary states the meaning of internal -(a) relating to or occurring or located in the interior of the body (b) relating or belonging to or existing within the mind,

So while I am healing physically internally and re-learning to nourish my body inside me I am also nourishing my mind and the role it all plays with me and food the dictionary describes external is (a) outwardly visible (b) of relating to or connected with the outside or an outer part (c) having only the outward appearance I believe the internal  is connected most definitely to the external.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


"My mind remain wide,so my place is naturally remote" Tao Yuan Ming

The above quote is resonating with how I feel since having my surgery, I am keeping my mind wide open about a great many things while my body and mind go through the healing process. here are a few of my thoughts that have been running through my mind.

On Jan 15th,2011 some might say my life as far as my weight today was a rebirth for me perhaps it was today I had revision gastric bypass surgery, I say revision because I had  this surgery seven years ago in 2003 at that time i had lost about 60 lbs( which is a great deal of weight but I never got to the goal the Dr. had set for me and in his eyes he made me feel as though I failed) over the seven years I developed medical issues I had always felt that something was not quite right but I was not told till a few months ago when I was going through the steps to see if I was a candidate for the revision. finding out I was indeed a candidate and my surgery came very fast so here we are. My surgeon Dr. Kelvin Higa is well known and considered number one in the country for this type of surgery.

My experience of seven years ago allowed me to (by pass) some steps this time around steps that people seeking this kind of surgery for the first time must take. My surgeon said that when they open me up they may have to shorten my lower intestine to cause malabsorption ( this was due to the fact that in my original surgery they did not go lower enough) however Dr did not have to shorten my lower intestine after all he did advise me that if I end up with these same issues then shortening my lower intestine would be a possibility in the future. what he ended up doing was repairing a very bad hiatal hernia and just revising my original gastric bypass by making my stomach smaller or creating a pouch as they call it.

so much has changed from seven years ago, for instance a few hours after I was out of recovery they had me walking around hospital floor, I was on a liquid diet which consisted of Jello juice and broth for 1 week only seven years ago I was eating that for a month before attempting soft foods, soft foods now comes into play a week after the liquid diet soft foods entail mashed potatoes, tomato soup, re fried beans, etc I am on soft foods for two weeks week three you begin to reintroduce foods to you mind you only a 1/3 cup  if you tolerate that well then you add chicken and meat on week 4 however no bread or bread like things or sweets for a month, I know that this is a tool and so far I am doing pretty well since surgery I have lost 17 lbs funny thing I am almost at the point were I could never pass when I had it the first time. I know this time will be a success, while I have been recuperating I have been drawn to watch cooking shows my family asks me if it bothers me I say no I am actually learning things for healthier cooking ideas. as I stated earlier I know this is a very expensive surgical tool well let's call it a gift I was blessed to receive by being a candidate and having this procedure done I am hoping the outcome is a success the procedure had to be do with the other issues and if those are in check my surgeon and I agree then it will be a success even if I don't lose any weight. my Dr seems to think I will lose 75 lbs  in this year hard work and patience and exercise will tell,

I have been on my path of self discovery and self healing hopefully I can keep my paths intertwined and not fall back into emotional and comfort food triggers. I believe I can no I know I can. I just got to keep my mind open.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Back on line

It has been a little while since my last post the reason being is that my computer went down in our house and well now we are finally back online. I have been catching up and that is taking time.

I have been healing up well I am down 16 lbs as of Friday of course I have been on a soft food eating plan and am now reintroducing food to myself with healthier choices I might add. Since I have been home I have immersed myself into the cooking channel and food network channel learning techniques etc.and reading books to help me on my journey. all and all it has been good. I will post about my recovery after I go through my notes. but all and all I am doing ok.