Sunday, May 29, 2011

weekend in review

My work week ends at 4 pm on Thursdays and begins my weekends I love only working four days a week this weekend was a wonderful one beginning with Thursday after work I attended my eldest great nieces graduation celebration it was held on Thursday evening at a wine bar she frequents from time to time with her friends. it was very interesting and the gathering was fun, it was held on Thursday evening due to the fact that she would be graduating Friday at 7:30 in the morning and she was the key speaker! which now brings us to her graduation it was wonderful she graduated with her Masters in psychology with a emphasis in neurophyschology she will be attending to Palo Alto University to pursue her PhD. I am so proud of her. her speech was marvelous and after the ceremony I got a photo with her. later that morning after the graduation I had brunch with two of my sisters it was a nice day, On Sat my husband and I took a drive out to San Juan Bapitsta and bought produce off of the local vendors who set up shop we purchased two flats of freshly picked strawberries for $10 each! it was a good deal also made out from a different vendor on two types of cherries as well, then found some wonderful produce as well at the farmers market made a wonderful fruit salad and cleaned and hulled the strawberries some I froze as we had an abundance the other I prepared to make home made jam which I did this morning after that my husband and I drove to a little town I grew up in it is about 45 min from where we live and we visited one of my sisters and her husband then we went window shopping again and went out to dinner something we really have not done in quite a while.  it was a pleasant three days so far tomorrow I think will be just relaxing around the house and getting ready to return to work on Tuesday which I begin summer hours for the month and then the 30th of June will be my final work day till the end of July I am looking forward to the break to do much needed things I want to do. one of them being taking a bit of a vacation to Seattle my children were to go with us but looks like their plans have changed due to unexpected things! I understand but none the less this may be our last family vacation for quite a while especially if our daughter transfers to a college out of state in Dec.
well I have a idea of what my next weekend will bring my daughter's birthday will be Friday big 19! so we will be celebrating that, not sure of what will happen on Sat but Sunday I will be volunteering at a farmer's pick and gather celebration and there  is sure to be a lot of fun it is all organic and there will be vendors and classes and demos etc.  I know I plan on picking the blueberries for sure!

Friday, May 27, 2011

There's a new kid in town

One of my sister's had a profound Easter week in April  as my husband Jeff and I spent two nights with her in Los Angeles then due to my husband having some business I drove back with my sister to our house as she was coming to celebrate Easter with the family. I drove with her because it  has been quite sometime that she has driven from LA to where we live only because her ex-husband used to do it and since she will be relocating to be near all her family she thought it the perfect time to try the drive and it was a fun! she drove part of the way and I drove the rest it was really good sisterly bonding time! the good news for her was right before we left she got the news that her divorce was final on Monday  it was something that she had been waiting for. she was full of emotion I mean how could she not be but at least she can put it to rest and begin her life at the age of 61! the other good news is her youngest son my nephew and his wife who reside in Japan had their second child a daughter on Friday so they are blessed with a boy and a girl. My sister has been in  Japan in for a week now  to meet her grand-daughter ( then new kid in town ok not in town but the newest addition to our big loving family )

we all can't wait to meet her we have seen pictures thanks to the modern technology but hopefully in December the rest of the family will get to meet her in person! we are just blessed that our family in Japan is doing well and was not impacted at all by the earthquake that happened there. the third good piece of news for my sister that week was her eldest son and his family came down to spend time with her.. I think it was awesome of my nephews they really love their mom and take good care of her since they all have been going through the raw emotions of the divorce. but one thing about my sister stands out she is a survivor and as our mom used to tell us pray for those who act out or those who cause pain because Karma comes around you may never see it happen but it does.

Love is patient

Love is patient, Love is kind it does not envy , it does not boast it is not proud it is not rude it is not self seeking it is not easily angered it keep no record of wrongs love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protect, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, Love never fails and now these three things remain faith hope an love but the greatest of these is Love.
I believe that these words always ring true. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

Remember When

Remember when I was young so were you
time stood still love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows walked the walk Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
lived and learned, life threw curves.There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died new were born life was changed, disassembled, rearranged We came together, fell apart broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet was the music We danced to week to week Brought back the love, we found trust Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone To where we are, where we've been Said we'd do it all again
Remember when

Remember when we said when we turned gray When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when

Remember when
Remember when

Saturday, May 14, 2011

While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I came across this song quite a few years ago and today I find it relating to me in my life. I have always believed in the Lord and though I have in the past kind of fell through the cracks so to speak ( meaning I always kept my faith I just lost the want of the social aspect of attending church every Sunday ) but I never lost my faith I just kind of have kept it on the down low of my self. especially in the last four years since my family has gone through some heavy tribulations but nothing stopped me from my faith in the Lord that things will get better. actually it is what sustained me to get through what we have been through. in today's life it is not easy things happen and people do want to blame someone else especially GOD and though these things sometimes don't give us the reason why we are going through them they can also be a blessing in disguise I have been on a soulful and healthful reconnection journey of myself since January and everyday I am finding out things I thought were gone and new things I am embracing and one thing that I have truly accepted is that you have to talk to yourself and GOD honestly and openly and being patient at the same time that things will get better while I am waiting.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I normally do not post about my family life because I am a private person but I as of late feel the need to express my thoughts as sort of a cathartic healing for myself  I have been living with my soul mate who was diagnosed two and a half years ago with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat. PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:1. Re-experiencing symptoms: Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating ,Bad dreams,Frightening thoughts.Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.
 2. Avoidance symptoms:Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience Feeling emotionally numb Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. (For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car)
 3. Hyperarousal symptoms:Being easily startled Feeling tense or “on edge”Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem this is PTSD and some people with PTSD do not show symptoms for weeks, months or years.

This is what has happened to my husband while he was injured by a co worker at the time he worked for a well known large company four years ago! my husband went through the proper protocol with in the company and no one from the supervisor up did anything to help him needless to say this developed into a workman's comp issue which is still pending and he has added a wrongful termination of my husband this past Januray while he is still on disability. he worked for this company for 12 years!  this whole thing has had us tied up in knots emotionally and has also taken a physical and a big financial toll on us. Things with the case against this company are looking up but the process of it is very slow and  has been hard. My husband is a smart man and he even has the CA Federal EEOC filing case against company as well on his behalf.

Getting back to the toll it has taken it is a difficult one this PTSD has changed my husband at times he seems not to be the man I fell in love with and really till this case is settled I feel helpless all I can do is be supportive as best as I can. I have seen what this has done to him first hand by outbursts of anger, etc and how it effects us and how it effects me.I feel so scared for him, I feel scared for us and I also feel anger anger that this all happened to him and us in the first place for no reason!. because of this disorder our finances have taken a big hit and we are now contemplating bankruptcy ( we always had our bills paid on time and never thought we would have to do this ) but with this disorder and being in a depression he let our finances get out of control and I did not see this happening till it was to late I now am taking hold of the situation but maybe for me watching the man I love live in fear made me afraid to face facts at the time too. Face the fact that I was watching him lose who he is and who he has always been to me and our kids. that I could really lose him in the mental and physical sense.. I was and am not ready for . I am not afraid of the bankruptcy those were just material things and material things can always be gotten again. and with this economy we would not be the first or the last people are filing everyday . I look at it as a blessing in disguise so that we can start from scratch something I am not afraid to do.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Three things to teach

Another one of many favorite quotes by Lao-Tzu

" I have just three things to teach

Simplicity, Patience, Compassion  

these things are your greatest treasures"

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Most belive

"Most people believe the mind to be a mirror more or less accurately reflecting the world outside them not realizing on the contrary that the mind is itself the principal element of creation"