The Hiding Place

Do you have a hiding place? A place inside
yourself that keeps all your secrets,desires,
that you are unable to reveal?

As far back in my youth as I can remember
I have always visited this place deep inside
my soul.

See it started at a young age and is still in
my present, I tend to visit this hiding fortress
inside me whenever my life seems to be losing
it's balance.

this place can have two sides it can be my
emotional safe haven with a guiding light
( I also have a physical place but that is another blog)
that comforts me with strength .

and the other side, where it is a dark haven
and I am weak and full of insecurities.
(sometimes more than not I visit this place)

Being the youngest and having elderly parents
I have always felt "misplaced" in my family
I know that I was and loved by all but I never
knew where I fit in except for being the "baby"
what was my place in the family and yet there are
times that even today I still wonder?

I may never know the answer all my siblings are quite older
than me the youngest to me we are 10 years apart
they used to joke where I would always hear
"we found you in the sewer patch" and I would think
to myself is there really such a place? or "mama, loves me
more" though I know they were teasing those remarks hurt
and have left a bit of an emotional scar ( I will say this
that I am a late in life child and I'm glad that I was
born to my parents) carrying all that hurt
from those remarks and throughout my life
I learned to develop a tough skin and visited my
hiding place where I would not allow my self to feel
the hurt.

I developed bad self destructive habits but have since
been healed in that department thanks to a great deal
of self discovery.

The safe haven part of my hiding place
gives me strength in so many ways
it helps me to heal and to stay strong
and realize that each day starts a new.

I am stronger than I gave myself credit for
I do not need to be destructive to myself
I do not need to hide from hurtful feelings
I am not perfect and this journey of self
discovery is pretty facsinating
where ever this journey leads me
I will gladly take each day to
discover the me that won't retreat to
her hiding place.