A Work in Progress

Two years ago for a New Year's resolution I decided that I was going to go by one of my favorite quotes by Dolly Parton and "Find out who you are and do it on purpose" This quote as rung with me for many many years,
I have been soul searching and finding out just who I am inwards and outwards and even though I am still searching ( will always) and have come to many realizations about myself I am what I am comfortable saying
"A WORK IN PROGRESS"  I came to the conclusion that this is not a bad place to be because I am an ever changing person learning about me and that it is ok!

I have the permanent labels I am ..... Jeff's wife, soul-mate, lover, best friend, Partner
                                          I am ....  Kiel and Kaitlyn's mother, adviser,confidant, safe place
                                          I am ...    A Daughter
                                          I am .....  A  Sister, Aunt, Great Aunt,Niece, Cousin
                                          I am ....   A Student, A Administrative Assistant
                                          I am ...    A Friend,
                                          I am...     A Believer
                                   

I  enjoy being a work in progress because there are still so many more facets for me to find of what makes me tick. and at age 49 I am enjoying this re-cleansing of me. I honestly feel so many different and fascinating emotions with this. In a few months I will be entering what everyone calls the big 50! club I am not afraid to do so I am looking forward to it I have always said this about my birthdays I do not think of myself as a year older cause that is a given I think of myself as a year wiser!  I actually think of myself as a flower that is blooming with the seasons.

True Value

" The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self"
                                                                                                                                 Albert Einstein

Pomp & Circumstance # 2

On June 16 2012 my family attended our son's college graduation from University California Santa Cruz when I first started the journey of blogging my son was graduating from high school and making the decision of which college he would attend and now here it is time doesn't really stand still it moves and seems to go by quickly.
Kiel (pronounced kyle) graduated with honors! and he graduated a bit early as well. he plans to stay in Santa Cruz to earn his master degree in education and teach and he also plans to earn his PhD.

amazes me how much tears of pride came to me as I sat in the front row watching my little baby boy all grown up at the age of 22. Kiel has always loved school and I know he will be a wonderful inspirational teacher. that weekend was surely a filled busy weekend not only did he graduate he had just moved into a new apartment with three other of his friends which is a block from the beach! he also started a new job a week before graduating with Target and with the experience he had from working at the our local target while home he is already being considered in a supervisory position. in the photo below here is our little family Jeff(my hubby) Kaitlyn (daughter) Kiel and me. next graduation will be Kaitlyn's!

These three are the three loves of my life they are my heart and soul.This photo was taken at the beach a block from my son's new apt the day of his college  graduation. when I think back to 30 years when I first laid eyes on my husband I just knew instantly I would be spending my life with him so we married and  I was told at a point in my life that we were not going to be able to have children after trying and so many losses and finally resigning to accept that children were not in the cards for us we were blessed and I ended up pregnant with our son and again after his birth was kind of told that he would be our only child. we felt blessed and accepted that but two years later our second blessing came to us with the news we were expecting again and it was a girl. I believe God listens to prayers and I believe in destiny. I believe that the day I met Jeff we were truly destined and we were each others true life soul-mates.

Jeff and I are so blessed with our son and daughter they are best friends with each other and they have grown into wonderful, caring adults. we are glad that they are family oriented and that they enjoy hanging out with mom and dad from time to time. and we all have such a unique closeness with each other that I know will last a life time. when I was forty I got my first tattoo ( I always just wanted one and so I did ) what I got was a sun with a heart in the middle and the significance being that sun in Spanish is Sol and well the heart is the heart so for me this is the significance that my family Jeff, Kiel and Kaitlyn are my heart and my soul.

I feel very blessed to have the three loves of my life in my life each and everyday.

Primary Purpose

I came across this quote that really resonated with me so I thought I would share

The primary purpose of prayer is not to make requests, The primary purpose of prayer is to praise, to sing, to chant because the essence of prayer is a song and man cannot live without a song


                                                                                                                    Abraham Joshua Heschel

Heaven's newest angel

Sunday morning June 10, 2012  I was awaken with some sad news my Godmother the beauty in the wine color outfit sitting next to my Kiel (then 2yrs ) was taken home this morning at 5:30 am to be with the other two angels in the photo with her and to be with her husband and my parents as well. My Nina was my mom's cousin and they were more like sisters than cousins. She was just like my mother in so many ways and I could see why they were like sisters and best friends. My nina ( as I called her) would tell me so many stories of her and my mother as children and young woman and then  as married women all the things they shared. She was always there and I could see why my mother and father chose her to be my Godmother and also one of my sisters godmother as well. . there is not a birthday or special day that she ever missed even when I was married she always remembered mine, my husbands, our children's birthdays and anniversary's. she was such a sweet lady with a spirit that certainly lives on.

she was in her 90's and this past Easter she was diagnosed with a brain tumor and a tumor also in her lung
funny they never tested her for these things when she complained of head aches, they merely said due to her age she was in stages of dementia. but apparently that was not the case. the tumors both in the brain and lung had grown the size of a baseball and truthfully she was in pain and so it was decided that she was ready to be called home. she was to be made as comfortable as possible and just recently was put on a morphine drip and as I had prayed for just went to sleep and did not wake up. ( that is how I hoped she would go I did not want this beautiful lady to suffer. )

I have been thinking a great deal about my nina today as we prepare to say good bye and she gave me so many gifts not just material things but just by her love, her stories, and one thing I will always treasure she gave me a copy of her and my nino wedding photo, they were married on pearl harbor day.

I am not really saying good bye to her for as I said I carry her memory, her spirit and love in my heart always and I know she is with love ones in a beautiful place. and she and my mom are back to the sister hood they shared.

God Bless you Mary Luisa Lozano here on earth you will be truly missed.

cultivate

Cultivate and nourish yourself to enact maturity and achieve stability if you accord everywhere with thorough clarity and cut off sharp concerns without dependence on doctrines you can be called a complete person

A Contented Mind

" A contented mind is a hidden treasure and trouble findeth it not"

real secret

" This is the real secret of life, to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now and instead of calling it work realize it is play" (Alan Watts)

Meditation

" Meditation is not an escape from life but preparation for really being in life"

He

He who binds himself to joy does the winged life destroy; he who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity's sunrise.

"Beware of the anger of the mind master your thoughts let them serve truth"

A good one

" When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete everybody will respect you"
                                                                                                                                     (Lao Tzu)

Soul

" The soul establishes itself, but how far can it swim out through the eyes and still return safely to its nest?"   (John Ashbery) 

Beware

" Beware of the anger of the mind Master your thoughts Let them serve truth " ( The Dhammapada)

Que Sera

Do you remember the old Doris Day song Que Sera, Que Sera,(whatever will be, will be)  lately that song has been playing in my head over and over almost like a broken record, I have been making some changes in my own personal life trying to rediscover who I am and how I want to grow and so I for the last year and a half I have been finding these things out by my own soul searching quest or maybe just taking stock of my life, at 49 I do have some regrets but I believe that things you regret can also be the things that you learn from. . I went back to college it's something that is on my bucket list, it's been interesting I love the fact that it keeps my mind challenged but now I am asking myself the question do I really need or want the degree? at my age what can I do with it? and I have been taking a full 12 units due to financial aid plus working my regular job. My weekends are nothing but home work and I feel as though I have been neglecting my husband, Last night I came to this conclusion I am a wife, mother, sister and friend, and  I like that. I do love being back in school but I have  a math phobia and I don't feel like I need to know algebra to get a degree I made the decision that I will continue school and earn some certificates in fields I like and if and when I am ready to maybe I will take on the math again , but I am 49 I want to enjoy life . my son is getting ready to graduate college in June and my daughter is getting ready to transfer to a college out of state. looking back I am most proud that I raised two wonderful adults who will make a great path for them to follow. I am ok with my decision about college for myself I mean who says you can't change your bucket list! and I have many other wonderful things I want to see and do. so like the song says whatever will be will be.

Today's thought

The thought running through me today is

" Meditation is not an escape from life, but preparation for really being in life"

The Three B's and a K

Meet 3 of our family members the first one is a rare Australian rose breasted talking cockatoo

her name is Bette of course cause females are called Bette in Australia!  then middle photo is of our little doge Buddy! he just turned two he is a little love always protecting and loves to lay right beside you now matter what you are doing. the black and while one on the couch is Bella. she is a Jack Russell she too is a love always kissing she is a little glutton though she hears anyone in the kitchen and she comes running! 

the K I don't have a photo of is Kodie she is our daughter's dog she is also a love she is like a little human she lays on the bed or couch and lays her head on a pillow like a person! although they all drive us a little crazy at time we would not have it any other way. it will be lonely when my daughter and her dog Kodie move to Az this summer. but we will still have our hands full with the other three..

quotes for yesterday and today

playing a little catch up so posting a quote for yesterday and today

yesterday's- "to set up what you like against what you dislike, this is the disease of the mind."

today's- " If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow" (Chinese Proverb)

live

Live as if you were to die tomorrow
Learn as if you were to live forever

Gandhi

First quote post of the new year

"The soul establishes itself but how far can it swim out through the eyes and still return safely to its nest"

Re-new, Re-cleanse, Re-birth

Here it is the New Year, I have to admit I am glad to see 2011 gone, it had it's good and bad  but I am ready for new and exciting things and challenges to come in this new year, to start I did not make any resolutions I have decided that I am just going to take this new year one step and day at a time and change the things I want to change or do the things I want to do in my own time and fashion.

I continue my journey of self discovery and wellness, and will embrace all that comes to me. This is a new year so as I reflect it is a time of renewal , cleansing and rebirth.

may the new year bring you all great blessings