Mixed Feelings

Today I am feeling a whole mixture of feelings
good feelings, sad feelings, mixed emotions

let's start with the good feelings, I got a part-time job
for a charter school today so I feel good about it I am
looking forward to starting it, I had lunch with some
nice elderly ladies from curves it was great to see
them

I am missing Kiel today he and his aunt Eva
went to Ashland, Oregon for the Shakesphere
festival they will be back next Friday I know
he will have a great time I am trying to get
my self use to him being gone for when he
graduates this year and heads off to college

Under Sad feelings Mary found out she
has an infection in her leg which is
dangerous for someone as she who is
diabetic and has had the bypass
we are keeping a close eye and
she is on antibiotics so hopefully this
will get better quickly and not turn
into any kind of a setback.

I am even sadder today because My Aunt
Terry was told she has about a year to live
due to her pancreatic cancer she was diagnosed
with earlier this week
how can Dr,'s just tell you that you have only
a certain amount of time on this earth?
especially when she went to them for over
a year with symptoms saying something was
wrong with her body and they treated it
like nothing was wrong or it was all
in her head, a person knows their body!
I saw my aunt on the 4th of July and
I could tell she was worried about what
she would hear today but she enjoyed
all of us being together and we had a
good visit.

when she gave me the news we cried.
as stated in an earlier blog
when I was a little girl my aunt
kind of scared me and I did not
see her much but she was always
there for my family.

when I moved back to Ca
and attended a family reunion
we started to get close to each
other and I got to know her kids
and grand kids, that reunion made
me reconnect a great deal with
my mother's remaining brother's
and sister's My aunt is big on
family gatherings and has always
invited my family and sister's families
to their gatherings. Today when she
asked for us to pray
and for me and my sister's to make
sure we come around and know her family
more, I said of course so I am asking any
fellow bloggers who read this please keep
my aunt Terry in your prayers I have seen
first hand what the power of prayer can do
for the human soul of a person with cancer.
aunt Terry will start with her chemo and
radiation this week I believe.

my mixed feelings are just that a mixture
of what has been going on in the family
for the past three weeks, Mary, Aunt Terry,
school, I have decided since I got my job
I will put my fall semester on hold
for now.

I have had the same kind of symptoms
my aunt has had and I am a high risk
for ovarian cancer and uterine cancer
due to me taking a great deal of infertility
drugs and I just got to thinking how would
I handle this if it were me? I am not sure
I keep telling myself depending on what
stage it is I would do chemo if it is in it's first
stage but then I have told my husband and kids
that beyond that I would rather enjoy the quality
of life with them than the quantity. a lesson I learned
from my brother and other people with cancer I have
known, keeping positive thoughts.

what I know for sure at this moment
is that I love my family those in heaven
and those here on earth and I feel very
blessed for all that I am related to
and I will always be there for my aunt
terry.