contemplating

From the beginning of the new year I have made no secret that I am on a self exploration journey which includes my mind, body, spirit, well being. as I have stated I ended up having some surgery that I have been journaling my expressions about and will continue to do so. I am finding out interesting things about myself and different things I would like to do creatively and new ventures I would like to also check into. Exploration of one self can be truly eye opening and can also make you question things in your life, I am not dwelling on the past for the past is completely that, the past you can not change it all you can do is learn from it and move on with your life, I have learned to take life one day at a time and embrace it embrace all that you feel and think and want to do. that is the joy I have been finding out while I travel on my journey. I admit it has been a little on the side line these past month since I went back to work. but I am going to make sure I write down my thoughts as I am feeling them so that when I gather them together I can express them here. So what I am now contemplating is to make the decision to go back to college but I can't decide if I want to do it traditionally like going back to a classroom or if doing it all on line ( especially cause in the state of Ca where I live they are always cutting education these poor college students I know cause my college kids are effected by it! ). I am in the research stages right now this is something that I want to do for me just to be able to say to MYSELF that I am a college graduate and with any luck and God's grace I will be done with this by the time I am in my mid 50's.!I There are also some other ventures I plan on doing for myself and as I take each step one at a time to get there it makes this journey I am on so much richer.

Life

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like  (Lao-tzu)

a hole in my heart

Right now the Eagles song" there's a hole in the world tonight" is racing through my head only i hear the words there's a hole in my heart and that is truly how i am feeling right at this moment a great deal of un-necessary emotion got the best of my household tonight and has made me feel like I have a huge hole in my heart it aches and I can't stop crying. I am not going to go into details but needless to say that being a parent is a very hard job no matter what age your child is and tonight proves that. I am concerned and worried about someone I love and I feel helpless to help them this person means the world to me I know this person has a big heart and lot's of love to give but the actions and words of tonight just make me pray harder and wonder what is to come. I hope this person knows how much they are loved unconditionally by this family and that no one is against them we just give our advice and hope that it helps them in some way. all lessons in life do not have to be learned the hard way. 

There is another song I am hearing in my head it is Love is not a fight and the lyrics go
Love is not a place to come and go as we please
it's a house we enter in and commit to never leave
so lock the door behind you, throw away the key
we'll work it out together let it bring us to our knees

love is a shelter in a raging storm
love is peace in a middle of a war
and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
no love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

to some love is a word that they can fall into
but when they're falling out keeping that word is hard to do

love is a shelter in a raging storm
love is peace in a middle of a war
and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
no love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

love will come to safe us
if we'll only call
he will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all

love is a shelter in a raging storm
love is peace in the middle of a war
and if we try to leave may God send angles to guard the doo
no love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

I will fight for you
would you fight for me
it's worth fighting for

so full of emotions that I am also hearing Fleetwood Mac Landslide that is how I am also feeling I hope as this night fades so will some of what I am feeling but I sincerely doubt it I will pray for patience and God love to get my family through this.

In an Instant

Is it not interesting what can happen to change your life completely in an instant. Last week my family had a scare with the earthquake in Japan I have a nephew and his family who live there and as soon as we heard about it on the news many family members were on FB( facebook) asking if they were affected by it with the grace of our Lord he and his family live far from where it all took place but they have friends and other relatives who did live in that area, then the Tsunami and the strength it had hitting the Ca coast I was a bit worried about our son who attends college in Santa Cruz but he assured me he would be safe on campus and thankfully so, the damage it caused in Santa Cruz total 5 million so far.

In a split second life changes my nephew just got word that one of his good high school chums just passed from ALS  my nephew in the last two years has lost quite  a few friends from high school and college and though it is hard to know these young men passed at such a young age my nephew has handled it with strength and dignity. and I am so proud of him, My niece had the loss of her father in law this week who had a stroke take his life at the young age of 67 she to is handling this loss with grace and strength for herself and for her husband and his family. and I am proud of her as well.

Life is so fragile one must really just enjoy it to the fullest I know I am blessed with my immediate family all together and look forward to them yes I want encourage them to fly but I am glad that they like to be near by as well. 

sometimes Gods greatest gifts in this life are unanswered prayers and I am truely blessed by what he brings in my life on a daily basis